Girl Band, Gravity Capture

Page 87

...If only I could build a happy family.

...If only I could have a group of close friends.

...If everyone around you could be happy because of you.

When you bring happiness to everyone around you...

Can that be called happiness?

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

Yuan Xudou opened his eyes, pressing his temples, which were throbbing from having a bad dream.

The sun hadn't fully risen outside the window, and the faint light filtering through the curtains seemed somewhat weak. He sat on the bed for a while, then put on his slippers and left the bedroom.

The living room was dark, with only a barely perceptible glimmer of light. Next to his room, the door to the guest room where Toyokawa Shoko was staying was ajar, not completely closed—the girl always placed the utmost trust in him.

I got up too early today. Xiangzi is probably still fast asleep. Yuan Xudou walked quietly to the bathroom.

He turned on the incandescent light in front of the sink, turned on the tap, filled his hands with cold water, and then splashed it on his face.

The cool water droplets stimulated my senses and cooled my aching brain, making my previously blurry vision much clearer.

He exhaled and looked up at the mirror.

Under the pale light, the water droplets that gradually slid down my face refracted a crystalline light, like some kind of white crystal with distinct edges.

...You're already in high school.

Shoko Toyokawa, who was unable to continue her studies at Tsukimori in her third year of junior high school, worked hard to find a job and save money with the help of Koto Minamoto. She wanted to save enough money to live a normal life for at least a year before considering finding a suitable place to move out. At the same time, she studied on her own and was admitted to Haneoka University, which had cheap tuition and a good scholarship system.

Nagasaki Motoyo smoothly entered the high school at Tsukimori, and Wakaba Mutsuki should have done the same.

Shiina Tatsuki and Takamatsu Akari... I don't know much about their current situation. Now that I'm in high school, I have a lot more time than when I was in high school. Maybe it's time to go find them?

Looking in the mirror, Yuan Xudou saw a face that seemed more melancholic and mature than the one he had been a year earlier. He remained silent for a moment before wiping away the water that was about to drip down his collar.

He recalled the chat history between the two of them, which had remained largely silent since that day.

...Just go with the flow.

He wasn't blocked; he simply had nothing to say to anyone. If he had left the band and returned to a normal life... Yuan Xudou, who did the same, had no reason or motivation to voice his opinion.

Occasionally, he would go to RiNG for a visit, but... he always returned empty-handed.

However, going to RiNG wasn't solely to find someone. He had promised Tsuzuki Shisen that he would look after Rakuna for the boss. Although CryCHIC had disbanded, and all the industry help and resources he had provided were now meaningless, he had no intention of going back on his word. He would still help look after her if he saw her.

Tsuzuki Shisen also asked him if he had any ideas about forming a new band—the disbandment of [CryCHIC] was no secret to the old man. Not to mention that the rental records of the practice room could be checked, the RiNG store staff also saw the ending of the conflicts that happened with Xiangzi, Mu, and Lixi in those days.

Tsuzuki Shisen offered Yuan Xudou the best treatment, promising in his old man's dignified voice that he would find him a team member who would never run away and would be wholeheartedly dedicated to music—but Yuan Xudou ultimately declined.

Although he was talented, he didn't have any particular pursuit of music.

...Moreover, he didn't want to be associated with the word "band" anymore.

Ultimately… I never intended to join a band in the first place, and now I'm just back to square one. I've gone too far down the wrong path.

"...I'm sorry, Father."

Because of the angle, the reflection in the mirror appears to have a much more indifferent look in my eyes than my real self.

The words echoed in the not-so-spacious bathroom, turning into a somber resonance.

"I failed to keep my promise."

...The fleeting illusion of happiness I once experienced...ultimately failed to last, and even a dignified ending was not achieved.

It wasn't really an apology to my father who passed away several years ago, but rather an apology to myself for having made him my goal and striving for it.

Because... even though such a life cannot be called happiness, if those memories are preserved and everything spent with them is remembered, perhaps one will never be able to find the perfection in one's heart.

But he would never give it up.

Yuan Xudou turned off the tap. The last few streams of water flowed into the pool, and he followed the familiar outline of the splashing ripples, looking at the sunset from his memory reflected in the water.

The lake water was clear, and the evening breeze rustled.

Standing where his parents once stood, he looked at the boy who was nimbly chasing water birds and waved to himself as he looked back.

……goodbye.

With slightly heavy steps, Yuan Xudou walked out of his memories, never looking back.

Chapter Two: The Confusion of Not Wanting to Let Go

If you feel betrayed, wouldn't a normal person feel angry at that person?

It emanated such a warm and bright light that was impossible to refuse, irrationally pulling her out of the abyss of deep-seated inferiority, and confidently and gently promising to bring her happiness and a future she could proudly face...

Mingming... I've done everything I could to get the proof you wanted.

I trusted you so much, I believed every word you said...

You clearly understand... that being with your band is the only thing that proves I'm no less valuable than anyone else, and it's the most precious thing to me...

In the end, is it something that can be discarded with the excuse that "there's no way to continue"?

No one could accept that, right?

This band... isn't the private property of Toyokawa Shoko and Wakaba Mutsumi...

Even if they're all gone... can't you stay by my side...?

Did you ever really... care about me?

...Ah, I know perfectly well that such thinking is unreasonable.

However, the mind, consumed by feelings of baseness, can no longer think rationally and clearly as it would with ordinary matters.

It's understandable to feel disgust towards someone who makes a promise you cherish so deeply, only to be the first to abandon it, right? It's like being deceived by happiness that's too beautiful, even unreal, only to discover it's just an unsustainable illusion. The more you liked it before, the more you should now loathe it…

...But is the emotion surging in my heart really hatred?

Even if you want to forget, you can't erase those memories; even if you feel pain, you'll always think of them. Amidst such contradictory feelings, you still find yourself longing for that figure to alleviate your loneliness…

...Sometimes I even think—

If only I had been more honest and clearer back then, expressing my wish for him to stay instead of being hypocritical and venting my emotions with impulsive words like a coward afraid to face reality…

Will everything change?

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

Sigrún has taught at the Iceland University of the Arts as a part-time lecturer since and was Dean of the Department of Fine Art from -. In – she held a research position at Reykjavík Art Museum focusing on the role of women in Icelandic art. She studied fine art at the Icelandic College of Arts and Crafts and at Pratt Institute, New York, and holds BA and MA degrees in art history and philosophy from the University of Iceland. Sigrún lives and works in Iceland.

"Lixi-chan, Lixi-chan, don't get distracted!"

Sweating profusely, Rinko Maji ran into the backstage area, shook Shiina Tatsuki's shoulder, who was looking somewhat dazed, and said with a serious expression.

"Two Earl Grey teas, one jasmine milk tea (less sugar), four milk lattes (one extra strong), and—"

Rinko Maji rattled off a long list of drink requests in one breath, making one admire how she managed to memorize all of these complicated requirements.

This is probably the professional ethics of an excellent employee and the boss's most loyal subordinate (self-proclaimed).

With her eyes clearing, Shiina Tatsuki felt sweat beading on her forehead just from listening to these orders.

"Okay... but Rinrin-senpai, shouldn't there be a handwritten list or something?"

"Here you go." She immediately put down a thin piece of paper that she had been holding between her fingers.

"Then why bother speaking at all?"

Completely unable to understand the purpose of that extra step, Shiina Tatsuki widened her purple eyes slightly, a speechless expression appearing on her face.

I just tried to memorize that long list of orders—wasn't that just asking for trouble?!

Faced with Shiina Tatsuki's complaints, Maji Rinko gave her a long, wistful look and sighed.

"There's no way around it. If I just put the list right next to you, Riki-chan, given your state just now, you'd most likely not even notice it and continue to be immersed in your own thoughts, right?"

"This..." Shiina Riki looked away awkwardly, unable to utter a rebuttal.

Because this kind of thing is not without precedent—when she first started working at RiNG, she did indeed daydream about other things and completely neglect the orders at hand, only to be called over by her colleagues in the front line and frantically rush to finish them.

The fact that Shinji Rinko pointed this out at this moment made it seem very convincing.

“I know you’re under a lot of pressure, Riki-chan…” Maji Rinko sighed again, “But just thinking about it in your heart won’t solve the problem.”

Her words seemed to have a hidden meaning: "No matter what happens, facing it directly is the best way."

"..." Shiina Riki remained silent, lowered her head, and picked up a spoon and cup to start making coffee.

Rinko Maji wanted to say something more, but the constant urging and commotion coming from backstage forced her to give up the idea.

"I'll head to the front field first, Riki-chan, you'd better hurry!"

After leaving those words, she hurriedly left the room to greet the next group of customers entering the coffee shop.

Thanks to effective marketing, a prime location, and the buzz generated by the start of the school season, RiNG's business has recently become incredibly booming. Every day, there are several peak periods of people flocking in, some to choose musical instruments, others to enjoy performances, which has significantly increased the workload for the café.

Coincidentally, RiNG also faced the issue of reassigning veteran employees between stores and the departure of some students who had previously worked there after graduation—leading to a sudden shortage of manpower.

It was under these circumstances that Shiina Tatsuki, who wanted to supplement her family's income through part-time work, earn some pocket money, reduce her dependence on her family, and buy things she liked, such as new musical instruments, on her own, chose to join RiNG.

After all, the work here is not only legitimate, but the conditions and environment are also quite good, and the salary is much higher than that of ordinary jobs. Moreover, the colleagues are people I already knew... It seems like a perfect fit no matter how you look at it.

Aside from the occasional fleeting moment of reverie when I see an empty table and chairs in a bright corner against the wall under the floor-to-ceiling windows of a familiar coffee shop, there's nothing wrong with it.

Thus, her role changed from customer to employee. Shiina Tatsuki's personality wasn't suited to serving customers in the front, so she spent most of her time in the back mixing drinks.

Perhaps this could be considered a form of preferential treatment?

It wasn't just Rinko Shinji's preferential treatment of her... perhaps, it also stemmed from Shisen Tsuzuki's preferential treatment of that person, which also affected her. Otherwise, even if joining RiNG wasn't impossible for her, it would at least be more difficult, requiring more assessments.

...Even places like this are receiving help without realizing it?

It's hard to describe Shiina Tatsuki's feelings when she vaguely realized this fact.

Resentment and bitterness? It seems not.

Joy and relief? Of course not.

It's just... there's a sense of reassurance that comes naturally.

It's like a treasure you thought you'd accidentally lost and never had a chance to find again, only to turn around and find it still safely in a familiar place.

Especially when you see that person, you still frequently visit RiNG.

Shiina Tatsuki doesn't do fieldwork, but there are exceptions.

They should have parted ways and grown to dislike each other, but the other person came out from backstage to personally ask him what kind of drink he needed.

While she was serving him tea and water and running around taking care of him, she put on an indifferent and aloof attitude. Her tone was definitely not friendly. Apart from asking about orders, she didn't say a single friendly casual word. It was as if they were complete strangers.

How awkward and complicated must one feel inside to do something like this?

That kind of thing is really hard to understand.

What Rinko Maji was talking about—to have an open and honest discussion—was precisely what she was subconsciously avoiding.

because……

Having said those things, I... have no right to be accepted.

The bitterness of brewed coffee rises and transforms into swirling steam that penetrates the senses, seemingly imbuing the tongue and the heart with a bitter aftertaste.

It took me several months to calm down and realize that my words were actually just an emotional outburst... But those defiant, self-destructive accusations were like spilled water, with no chance of being taken back.

Regret is useless; a wounded relationship can never be repaired.

Moreover, having felt deceived, I shouldn't be the one to actively seek reconciliation...

That's why things are like this now.

While keeping their distance and pretending to dislike her, they couldn't help but get closer, yet they couldn't confide their true feelings.

How exactly can we distinguish between love and hate?

The once dignified crimson pupils are now obscured by a bewildered gray, like purple gemstones covered in dust.

Amidst the rich, bitter aroma of coffee, Shiina Ritsuki silently lowered her eyes and gently tapped the rim of her cup with a spoon.