My stepmother's burden is my ex-girlfriend.

Page 133

None of these were emotions that arose from his heart.

If personality also has a quantum mechanical observer effect—if the gaze of others can shape a person's personality—then the role of "a poor child without a mother" that is imposed on him must also create a huge void within him.

—But...for some reason, I finished reading it.

—This is the first story in my life that I've read on my own…

It seems a writer once said, "I believe that the creation and reading of novels is a protest against life, which only happens once."

That's right, it probably really is a protest. Just like me, who is not good with words but admires the famous detective who can eloquently explain the reasoning process, he is also protesting against a life that is arbitrarily filled with emptiness, which is why he is so attracted to lives other than his own.

Irito Mizuto had nothing.

They simply use things borrowed from the outside world to constantly fill the void in their hearts.

It's not something to be pitied if you didn't know from the beginning.

He was neither sad nor lonely.

Having nothing means having nothing to lose.

However, he did lose something.

That was the only miracle for him, and the part that deserves sympathy.

Because... am I right, Mizuta?

—A love (or thing) that should have been lost is now standing right in front of you.

"...Two years ago..."

I walked over to the water basin sitting directly in front of the worship hall and spoke.

"That summer festival was our first date, right? I got lost and called you crying..."

"Huh...?"

Shuidou looked confused, but I was no longer afraid.

"Then, I don't know how many days later, you suddenly called me one night, right?"

A gust of wind blew by, and the rustling sound of leaves rubbing together spread in all directions.

"I remember. Behind your voice, I heard the faint sound of trees rustling... So, this is the place."

You were like that back then, all alone in this deserted shrine.

But only that one year... you called me.

"You—"

I chuckled softly, in a way I couldn't have done two years ago.

"—You really liked me back then, didn't you?"

Until this moment, I thought I was the one confessing my feelings to him.

But... it turns out I was wrong.

Because, at a time and place where he usually spends all his time alone, he invited only me—if this behavior doesn't count as a confession, then what does?

Shuidou didn't say a word.

He turned his head away with a stern face, and I glanced at my phone to check the time in front of him.

I remember it was supposed to be 8 PM?

I stepped onto the steps where Shuidou was sitting and sat down beside him.

The sense of distance between two fists.

This is the most appropriate distance for us now.

"Hey, do you remember?"

I spoke as I gazed at the starry sky.

"On the first day of school after we started dating, because I'm shy, we walked separately into the school... If we had both taken the plunge and walked into the classroom together, would things have been different?"

"........."

He didn't answer. I continued:

"Hey, do you remember? The first time we went on a holiday date, I wore a miniskirt, right? I was wondering why you were so indifferent, haha. But when it was time to say goodbye, you asked me to dress more conservatively in public. I thought to myself, 'I didn't expect you to be so cute in some ways.'"

"........."

"Hey, remember? Your performance in soccer during PE class was absolutely terrible. I was really looking forward to seeing my boyfriend show off his skills, but you disappointed me so much. But I also feel closer to you now."

"........."

"Hey, remember? We studied together when the midterms were coming up, right? We were always all lovey-dovey whenever we had the chance, and we weren't really studying at all. I think that's when I started collecting your eraser..."

"........."

Memories flow endlessly.

We are not forced to accept this by others.

It wasn't borrowed from anyone.

These are memories we created ourselves.

"I think it was November? I had a cold, and you came to visit me. Looking back now, you just wanted to see me in my pajamas, didn't you? How repressed you were."

"........."

"During the final exams, we were trying to redeem ourselves after failing the midterms. So we went to the library to study, where other people would be watching... But in the end, we couldn't resist... Oh my god, I must have been out of my mind back then. Even though we were just kids, it was so embarrassing to be seen like that..."

"........."

"At Christmas, we went on a date like a couple. But when it came down to it, I got shy and couldn't give you the present... When you came to my house that night... well, I was really happy..."

"........."

"I think it was during spring break when you asked me to come to your room. I was so nervous! But you were so calm... and after all that, you didn't do anything at all. You clearly only brought me home for that purpose. Looking back now, it's amazing you were interested in me back then. It's not nice to say this, but I was totally a baby!"

"........."

"Also, we browsed various secondhand bookstores together, and even secretly passed notes when our seats were next to each other in the classroom. That was actually a bit exciting, really fun..."

"........."

"Yeah."

I asked my silent ex-boyfriend.

"Do you remember when we first kissed?"

I still remember.

I still remember that day when my heart was filled with happiness as I walked to and from school, bathed in the glow of the setting sun.

I have never forgotten.

I looked to the side.

Mizuto gazed up at the night sky with bewildered eyes.

His lips were slightly parted...

"...October 27th."

As if casting a breath towards the starry sky, she exhaled softly.

"It's been exactly two months since we started dating..."

"You really do remember."

"You already knew?"

"Because you were by the river, didn't you unlock my phone?"

"...I advise you not to use dates as passwords."

"You have the nerve to say that. You typed '1027' so quickly, I bet it's because you've used it yourself, right?"

Shuidou exercised his right to remain silent. And this silence, in fact, replaced an answer.

"Yes, it was exactly two months. I felt like if I missed this opportunity, I would have to wait until it was three months, so I was a little anxious."

"I thought you had been misled by some dubious information from a magazine or website."

"Um...yes, yes, I did take a look as a reference. Just for reference."

"However, given your personality, you probably wouldn't have been able to do something so daring in your entire life without reading those combat manuals."

"I'm so sorry, I only know one instruction and one action! Can't you at least praise your girlfriend's selfless dedication?"

"Okay, that was great. You must have practiced your kissing expressions a lot."

"How...how did you know...?"

"It's obvious at a glance. How could your expression be so beautiful on the first try?"

"How rude! I can occasionally perform well when I improvise!"

"I can help you with most of those kinds of problems, okay?"

"Ah—you're so good at taking credit. A good man does things quietly, don't you understand?"

What good will it do me to act all manly now?

"That's true, there's no benefit at all. Anyway, there's no way to be disillusioned any further."

"You stole what I was about to say."

Without pause or interruption, he spoke fluently, one sentence after another.

These are our words, words that belong only to us, not words that anyone forces us to accept.

"I have to refute that. The first time you wore a miniskirt on your date..."

"Oh, that's the time you showed your ugly possessiveness."

"That's exactly what I wanted to say! It's just because you don't look good in a miniskirt—"

"Ah—yes, yes, yes. The person who came to my house to see me in my pajamas is quite the smooth talker~"

"No, I was just fulfilling my duty as a boyfriend by visiting him in the hospital..."

"Oh? Then why can I still feel someone watching me when I walk around in my pajamas?"

"This is just you being overly self-conscious, okay?!"

"Ah, you said 'this'! You said 'this'! I knew you really wanted to see me in my pajamas back then, you repressed pervert!"

"Who's talking to you...!"

"Sigh—having a useless boyfriend is really tough. And it's all your fault for being a shy and cowardly guy, making me miss my chance for my first experience."

"...Doing it in that tense and awkward state between both sides will only lead to failure."

"Ah...! You actually said it! You said what shouldn't have been said!"

It was just a completely pointless conversation.

It's like the kind of conversation classmates have.

The kind of conversation that family members have in the living room.

But how long did it take us to finally get to this point?

How much time did he actually spend?

"Yeah."

"What?"

Why did you ask me to be your girlfriend?

I threw the questions I hadn't been able to ask for the past two years into the gaps in our conversation.

Shuidouhua thought for a moment and said:

"I guess it wouldn't matter much even if it wasn't you."

"What did you say?"