My stepmother's burden is my ex-girlfriend.

Page 290

I smiled weakly and said:

"(It seems you guys had a really good time yesterday.)"

"(...Hmm...So unforgettable...♥)"

It looks like even its eyes have turned into hearts.

Right now, Senior Sister Ya Shuang probably only has Xing Bian on her mind.

"(—I was lost in thought! ...Anyway, don't take it to heart! As long as you keep trying despite the fear of failure, the other person will eventually fall for you!)"

"(……But…………)"

I think he must have already fallen for me.

However, we are not qualified to turn our inner feelings into concrete actions right now.

No – I haven't made up my mind.

"(...Well—okay, I don't know what the problem is.)"

Senior Sister Ya Shuang hugged my shoulder tightly to encourage me.

"(But if you just try to sit down and talk, and seriously try to understand the other person's thoughts, the problem will often be solved... Didn't you tell me to do that in Kobe too?)"

"(……ah……)"

Yes.

I think I had the same thoughts. Back then, I saw my senior crying because she'd been dumped…

I think: sincerity should be rewarded with sincerity.

Then, Senior Sister Ya Shuang went to seriously face Senior Brother Xing Bian.

Senior Xingbian responded to her sincerity with a serious attitude.

Wasn't it her attitude that gave me courage and inspired me to become who I am today?

—Since that's the case, I…

Shouldn't we also show sincerity and seriously consider the issues that Shuidou is addressing?

"—Alright, it's time to raise a glass and celebrate!"

President Hong spoke while holding a bottle of non-alcoholic sparkling wine.

"Then, blessings upon this sacred night, and to Asahi Aisa, who has become a woman—!"

"Cheers!"

"Wait... This is so embarrassing! This is so shameful, Rinri!"

I think I should become a woman now.

Rather, he is the most honest individual who can face Irito Mizuto.

Irito Mizuto: How to Win the Game

"Hey, Irito~ Are you still alive~?"

Kawanami returned from outside and asked me, in a flippant tone, about my position lying on the floor.

I managed to raise one hand, and Kawanami placed the plastic bag on the table and began rummaging through it.

"I just bought some snacks. Karaage chicken bento or Mapo Tofu Stew, which do you want?"

"...Mapo Well..."

"So you like spicy food."

He said, "Take it," and placed the heated Mapo Well next to me.

I slowly got up, took the plate containing the Mapo sauce from the bowl, and carefully poured the bright red tofu broth over the white rice.

In front of me, Kawanami was removing the plastic film from the bento box and breaking apart the disposable chopsticks.

"Eating convenience store bento boxes for Christmas once in a while isn't so bad, is it? Although I was quite surprised when you told me you wanted to stay overnight at my place..."

This is Kawanami's own room in his home.

As soon as I woke up from my light sleep today, I contacted Kawanami and hid at his house like a turtle, refusing to leave.

"It's okay, just treat this place as a refuge. Everyone sometimes wants to keep their distance from women."

“…Thank you.”

"He's really honest."

Kawanami didn't bombard me with questions, unlike his usual tactless attempts to pry into people's private lives. Perhaps seeing me now reminded him of his own tragic experiences with men.

Unlike him, being touched by Jie doesn't make me feel disgusted; on the contrary, I feel quite comfortable—almost to the point of being led by the nose by this comfort. What truly disgusts me is this version of myself.

I'm worried that if Jie Nu comes back to throw herself at me, that situation might repeat itself.

And I'm also afraid—that I might really make an irreparable mistake next time.

Even though I know that choosing to escape like this won't solve any problems—

Not drinking a drop of water, just stuffing the spicy, junk food-like flavor of Mapo Tofu into my mouth, was practically self-harming. At the same time, I also observed that filling my stomach had a slight calming effect on my mental state.

—It's as if it's none of my business.

What kind of situation is this? I'm still trying to observe myself from an objective perspective.

"Now that you've cheered up, how about we play some video games?"

Kawanami collected the empty lunchboxes, then returned to sit in front of the TV and picked up the handle.

As he shoved the handle into my hand, I said slowly:

"I'm not very good at video games."

"Nobody starts out knowing how to play. When I played with you in Kobe, I felt that you were the type who just had no experience but were very talented."

As he spoke, Kawanami picked up his controller and turned on the game console.

Video games...

It just occurred to me that I didn't know what kind of game Uncle Keikoin was playing.

Kawanami randomly selected a game from the homepage and said, "Just get used to the controls first." The screen switched to practice mode, and I moved the joystick or pressed the buttons in sequence. This is jumping, this is attacking—

"You're really smart; you don't seem like someone who's never held a handlebar in years."

"Playing video games has nothing to do with being smart or not."

"Not necessarily. Some esports players have incredibly high levels of education. People who are really good at video games are very good at thinking about how to play better. You could say they know how to find the right answer based on their intuition..."

"You mean they understand the right way of thinking?"

"Yes, yes, yes. While technical skills and reflexes are important, these skills can only make you a strong player among a few friends. When it comes to competing nationally or internationally, you won't be able to compete without the right way of thinking. You know, in competitive FPS games, there are professional analysts who analyze the opposing teams' data."

"Oh...right, there's only so much you can do while playing video games..."

"Hmm? What do you mean?"

"For example, if a character punches like this, the speed is fixed, and no matter how hard you try, you can't make it faster. Real-world sports activities might allow you to train for faster boxing, but video games don't work that way—I mean, since there are indeed limits to pure physical ability, other aspects can only be compensated for by thinking ability."

"Oh—yes, that's it. I say you're smart precisely because most people can't immediately grasp such profound truths."

...If I were really that smart, I would hope that I could immediately come up with a way to resolve the issue between me and Yui.

Having roughly figured out the controls, I started battling against Kawanami. Although he was obviously holding back, I couldn't win at first no matter how I fought. However, as I gradually got used to the controls, the battles began to become more interesting.

"--Oh my! Using this now?!"

"I knew you would do that."

"Seriously... I've only been using this controller for two hours and they're already playing mind games with me..."

A punch can't suddenly increase in speed, so you can only make your opponent's movements more advantageous for the punch to hit. I see, it can be considered a kind of psychological exercise.

"Next time I'll use my usual moves. It would be too embarrassing to lose to a beginner!"

Just when I thought we were evenly matched, Kawanami started childishly unleashing a series of powerful combos, completely utterly crushing me. Ah, I see. Looks like I need some knowledge to succeed.

"Wait a minute, I need to look up some information."

"Are you serious? This is the first time I've seen someone get so engrossed in playing video games at a friend's house that they start looking up Wikipedia."

And so we spent a pointless period of time just constantly fighting each other on screen.

Creating Izana's character, playing video games with Kawanami—I feel like I've started a lot of new activities lately. I've always spent my time in a very structured way: going to school, reading, and sleeping. Although I've occasionally interspersed short periods with my girlfriend, my way of spending time hasn't fundamentally changed.

Do I feel that I need to make some changes?

I don't want to be like Yuzuriha, changing my ways to please others. I think calling this growth is too authoritarian for me, a theory of excessive conformity to the masses.

I believe the changes I've achieved are different from that state. I'm not seeking others' approval, nor am I trying to fit into society. Rather, I'm discovering new things within myself, becoming capable of accepting them—a self-transformation I'm undertaking for myself.

I think I must be an empty egoist. Clearly lacking a sense of self, yet always thinking only of myself. Therefore, when forced to choose between myself and my partner, I still scoff at the option of sacrificing myself. From the beginning, I only had one choice, only one option to face.

Kawanami said I understand the right way of thinking. Indeed, I choose to take the shortest route, never detouring along the way. Little did I know that this would leave someone behind.

But what we arrived at was a dead end; it was ridiculous.

"Playing video games is really great."

After a period of time during which only the clicking sound of the handle buttons could be heard, Kawanami suddenly said:

"No matter how quiet a person is, I think you can make friends through playing video games. For example, you might discover that the other person is unexpectedly passionate, or that they're actually all brawn and no brains. These personality traits that they wouldn't normally express will be reflected in their gameplay—if you only try to understand these things through conversation, it would take so long, right?"

"……you're right."

"That guy has a terrible personality; he's also rude when playing video games. Like, he brutally beats beginners and laughs while doing it, thinking he's having a good time by himself. He easily reveals his true nature when he's playing."

"So, does that mean I'm revealing my true nature right now?"

"You—you make me feel that you are very serious about things."

"You're just saying that casually."

"No, I didn't. You don't get arrogant just because you have the upper hand. You carefully gauge the distance between you before you figure out how your opponent will move. That's the way a person who respects their opponent will play. It's a virtue. Just play online for a bit and you'll see. A lot of people don't take their opponents seriously and don't know how to follow game etiquette."

"And then—" Kawanami continued.

"You play video games very carefully. It's like taking things one step at a time, trying to learn more skills gradually. At the same time, you always calmly assess your own abilities..."

"........."

I feel like he sees right through me. How could I, who always observes myself from an objective, detached perspective, so directly reveal my personality?

"I think you handle interpersonal relationships in real life the same way. You respect the other person and know your limits—I think you live a serious and honest life, which even makes me feel tired for you."

"Don't presume to be a life counselor. It's just playing video games."

"Then you should have a good talk with her."

Kawaba dodged my attack and delivered a devastating blow to my character.

"You and Irito can't get to know each other through video calls."

So my remaining health dropped to zero, and Kawabata won.

Kawanami looked at me, grinning with a triumphant smile. Seeing his expression, I sighed and said:

"He gets so much pleasure from brutally beating beginners; his personality is terrible."

"I don't consider you a beginner."

--Yes, I'm not a beginner.

I've had the same experience before.

At that time, I had no other choice but to take it one day at a time.

Is this another case of repeating the same mistake?

Do you want to relive the junior high school experience you once looked down on, and then wait until you go to college to say, "It's just a mistake I made when I was young," and treat it as a memory?

That's incredibly stupid.

Seriously, that's incredibly stupid.

"Irito, you should be used to it by now. With your skills, you should already know how to win the game, right?"

"You're right—"