My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 30

"Oh no! I accidentally..."

I quickly wiped my mouth with my sleeve. Thank goodness, something inside me almost woke up.

"...Your problem hasn't improved at all; in fact, it's gotten worse."

"No, no, no, compared to the teacher, I don't think I'm that badly off. At the teacher's age, they still mention 'Super Heroes'—"

"Annihilated..."

"—It's clear you're a truly mature woman! I can genuinely feel your sense of mission in promoting masterpieces. Yes! I mean it."

I went to great lengths to steer the conversation back on track, lest I be subjected to another beating from the teacher. Although Mr. Hiratsuka did indeed put away his fists, his eyes remained just as fierce, reminding me of a wild beast.

"Seriously... Anyway, rewrite the workplace internship survey form for me. Also, as punishment for hurting my feelings, help me compile these survey forms."

"……yes."

A huge stack of papers was piled up in front of me. I had to sort through the survey forms like a part-time worker in a bread factory, all while someone was watching me.

There was only me and one female teacher present, but there was absolutely no exciting development, and certainly no chance of accidentally touching the teacher's chest while being punched by her.

It's all fake. Liars! Those who write scripts for bishoujo games and light novels that write romantic comedies had better come and apologize to me right now.

× × ×

At Chiba Municipal Sobu High School, second-year students participate in an activity called "Workplace Apprenticeship".

This activity will collect information on the professions everyone wants to intern in, and then allow us to visit actual workplaces. This is part of "relaxed education" (Note 4, implemented since 2002, aimed at cultivating students' critical thinking and knowledge application abilities, and enriching their social experience. The curriculum reduces the required content by 30%, alleviating the burden on students.), with the goal of giving us firsthand experience of what it's like to work in society.

There's nothing wrong with workplace internships in themselves; every school has similar programs. But the problem is that this program is right after the regular exams, which means I have to sacrifice my precious study time to help with this kind of chores.

"Speaking of which, why did they choose to hold it right after the exams...?"

As I busied myself categorizing the survey forms by occupation, I asked my question. Professor Hiratsuka, sitting at the empty table with a cigarette dangling from his lips, answered for me:

"The school deliberately chose this time to hold it. You probably know that the third-grade group selection will take place after summer vacation, right?"

"Is that true?"

"I think I mentioned this in the class meeting..."

"Oh, that's my away game, so I wasn't really listening."

But honestly, why is the class meeting called "Home Room"? It's not like we're going to the teacher's house, although I would never want to go there (Note 5: "Home" also means "home field").

Also, the system of everyone taking turns being on duty and shouting commands during class meetings and at the start and end of classes should be abolished as soon as possible. Every time it's my turn to shout a command, the class always seems particularly lifeless. Please stop torturing me like this! If it's Hayama shouting the commands, everyone will be laughing and making noise, and he will smile and ask everyone to be quiet, making the whole classroom feel joyful; but as soon as it's my turn to shout a command, the students all shut their mouths, not even bothering to shush. Judging from this, it's not even my away game.

"In short, the school organizes workplace internships after the regular exams before summer vacation in the hope that you will not only be good at taking exams, but also be able to clearly plan your future... although the effectiveness is highly questionable."

Professor Hiratsuka concluded with this sentence, exhaling a faint smoke ring.

Soubu High School, where I attend, is a university-preparation school; more than half of the students plan to go on to university, and they actually do. Needless to say, when they enter this high school, they have already set their sights on further education.

They planned to postpone their lives by four years from the start, so naturally they had no vision for the future. It seems that, apart from me, almost no one is seriously thinking about their future—I'm definitely not going to work.

"What silly thing are you thinking about now... Are you planning to choose the humanities or sciences track?"

"Ms. Hiratsuka asked me with an expression of utter disbelief."

"Me? I—"

"Ah! So this is where it is!"

I was about to speak when I was interrupted by a commotion.

The person who spoke was Yuigahama Yui, whom I've recently become quite familiar with. Her bright-colored hair was tied up in a bun, swaying unhappily; her skirt was still as short as ever, and two or three buttons at the neckline were undone, giving her a very revealing look. Come to think of it, she's clearly my classmate, yet we've only just started to get to know each other. In a way, my social skills are really impressive.

"Oh, Yuihama, excuse me, could I borrow Hikigaya for a moment?"

"He's not mine! I... I don't care at all!"

Yui denied it while waving her hand forcefully. How could I not care with that "I don't need this guy" tone? Being so thoroughly rejected like that was really hurtful…

"Is there something you need?"

The one who answered my question wasn't Yui, but another girl who appeared behind her. As she moved forward, her twin ponytails bounced.

"Since you haven't been to the club office, I came directly to find you, Yuihama."

"Okay, okay, even if you don't use inverted sentences, I know you don't mean it that way."

This black-haired girl is Yukino Yukinoshita. If you only look at her appearance, she is indeed as beautiful as a porcelain doll. Unfortunately, she is only exceptionally beautiful in appearance, but her attitude is no different from that of cold porcelain.

The first thing she said to me when we met today was disdain, which shows our usual relationship. Anyway, Yukinoshita is a member of the Service Club like me, and she's the president. We continue our meaningless confrontation day and night, vowing to pay for each other's blood debts... no, it's not that serious. In short, we'll dig up each other's past wounds and rub salt into each other's wounds.

Upon hearing Yukinoshita's words, Yuihama openly expressed her dissatisfaction and stood boldly in front of me.

"I've been running around asking about your whereabouts! But everyone just answers, 'Hachiman? Who's that?' It took me so much trouble."

"There's no need to add anything more to this."

Why do you have to hit me where it hurts? Are you a natural-born sharpshooter who doesn't need to aim at all?

"It really took a lot of effort..."

For some reason, she repeated it with a displeased look, and the fact that I was a complete stranger to everyone on campus launched another attack on me. Oh dear~ if everyone in school knew you, finding people would be so much easier~ Someone with such a low profile like me might actually be suited to be a ninja.

"Um... I'm sorry."

Nobody knows me, I'm so sorry—this is the first time I've apologized for such a sad reason. If I didn't have such an indomitable spirit, I would definitely have burst into tears on the spot.

"N-It's okay...but...so..."

Yuihama's hands twitched nervously in front of her chest as she began to feel embarrassed.

"At least leave a phone number. Look, it's really ridiculous and embarrassing for me to be looking for people like this... Anyway, no one will ask what our relationship is."

Yuihama's cheeks flushed, as if recalling how embarrassing it was to ask around the campus about my whereabouts. She crossed her arms, turned her face to the side, and secretly observed me out of the corner of her eye.

"Um... I don't care."

As soon as I took out my phone, Yui immediately pulled out her shiny and fancy phone.

"...What's that? A long-haul truck?"

"Huh? Don't you think it's cute?"

She held that thing, which looked like a cheap crystal chandelier, close to my face. The strange ornament on it, which resembled a mushroom doll, swayed back and forth, making me feel irritated just looking at it.

"No, I still can't understand a slut's taste. Do you like that song by Mitsuhiro Oikawa? Or are you a crow? Or a sushi expert?" (Note 6: This refers to Mitsuhiro Oikawa's song "Hikarimono," which literally translates to "shining object." Additionally, "shining object" in sushi refers to fish sushi with shiny skin, such as saury, mackerel, or sardines.)

"Huh? What sushi? And you can't call me a slut!"

She glared at me like I was some kind of weird bird.

"Hachiman, although both metaphors refer to shiny things, I don't think a high school student would understand that sarcasm. You chose a bad subject... It's a real shame about the sushi."

Hiratsuka-sensei's eyes lit up as she pointed out my mistakes. I said, "Teacher, that 'that joke' look on your face is really uncomfortable..."

"Can't you see what's cute about this phone? Are you blind?"

It seems that the saying "Hachiman has dead fish eyes" has gradually become a settled fact. Oh well, I've already given up on it anyway, so it doesn't matter.

"Whatever, infrared transmission will do, right?"

"No, my phone is a smartphone and doesn't have infrared transmission capabilities."

"Huh... so I have to type it out? That's so troublesome!"

"I don't need the infrared transmission function, and I don't really like carrying my phone. Here."

I handed the phone to Yuihama, and she took it timidly.

"I... I'll type it in... That's fine, but it's really bold of you to hand your phone to someone without even thinking about it..."

"Anyway, there's nothing shameful on my phone. Only my sister, Amazon, and McDonald's send me emails."

Wow! Really! Almost all of the mail came from Amazon!

I want you to take care of it.

After Yui took my phone, she started typing incredibly fast. She usually seems so slow, I never expected her to be so quick. Okay, from today onwards, I'll call her "Ayrton Senna of the finger world" (Note 7: A famous Brazilian racing driver who won three F1 world championships).

"You type so fast..."

"Hmm? Isn't this normal? I think your fingers have atrophied because you don't have anyone to write to?"

"How rude! I at least wrote letters to girls when I was in junior high school."

Upon hearing this, she was so shocked that she dropped my phone on the ground. Hey, that's my phone!

"You're lying..."

"Do you know how hurtful that reaction is? You didn't, did you? Now you should know!"

"Ah, because I can't imagine what it's like for you to interact with girls..."

She laughed it off while bending down to pick up my phone.

"Are you an idiot? I'm very capable. As long as I'm willing, it's not a problem at all. After the class reshuffle, when everyone was exchanging phone numbers and emails, as soon as I took out my phone and looked around, someone said, 'Ah... well... let's exchange too.' Isn't that popular?"

"The other person says 'Well...' Ah. Being kind to you is often a form of cruelty."

Yukinoshita smiled gently as she spoke.

"Don't pity me! We kept in touch after that!"

"...What kind of person is she?"

Yuihama stared at her phone screen and asked casually. But strangely, her fingers, which had been moving rapidly across the keys, had now completely stopped.

"Hmm... she seems like a healthy and elegant person. I would send her a letter at 7 p.m. and she would not reply until the next morning, telling me, 'Sorry, I fell asleep~ See you at school later,' which shows how regular her life is. However, when we got to the classroom, she didn't dare to talk to me. She is really introverted and reserved."

"Hmm, isn't that...?"

Yui covered her mouth with both hands to avoid sobbing, but tears still streamed down her face.

I already knew what was going on before she even finished speaking.

"The other person is pretending to be asleep and ignoring your letter. Hachiman, please face reality and stop running away."

Ms. Yukinoshita, why did you have to say it? And why do you look so smug?

"...Of course I know it very well, I know it so well that I could compile a whole encyclopedia of Hachiman."

Hahaha, it really brings back memories~~ That's what it's like to be so young~~ I was so silly and naive back then.

I trusted her so much that I never considered that she only exchanged phone numbers and emails with me out of pity, and that she might reply to my emails. For two whole weeks afterward, I sent her a bunch of emails, but she didn't reply to a single one, so I gave up.

"Hachiman keeps sending me letters, it's disgusting, I can't stand it."

He must like you!

"Huh? Impossible, impossible, absolutely impossible!"

The thought that those girls might have had such a conversation makes me want to die. I liked her so much!

Back then, I used a whole bunch of emojis, which is pathetic to think about now. I even worried that using hearts would be too weird, and I used sparkly symbols, suns, musical notes, and so on... Just thinking about these things makes me want to faint.

"Hachiman... well, then, I'll exchange email addresses with you too. I'll definitely reply properly and won't pretend to be asleep!"

Ms. Hiratsuka took the phone from Yuihama and entered her email address. I could feel her overwhelming sympathy.

"No, I don't need that kind of gentleness..."

If there's one truly tragic thing in the world, it's communicating with your teacher via mobile phone. How is that any different from receiving Valentine's Day chocolates from your mother every year?

What's with this pathetic feeling? On the contrary, I feel somewhat comforted by the indifferent attitude shown by someone like Yukinoshita.

Finally, when the phone was returned to me, it contained two more email addresses. Logically, storing more data on a phone shouldn't make it any heavier, but for some reason, it felt cumbersome.

Is this the weight of bonds...? So light. It's ridiculous how I used to frantically chase after those mere few kilobytes of data. Although I don't think I'll ever need that data, I still opened my contacts. And then, this name caught my eye—

☆★Yui★☆

Hey, where would this name be placed in the Japanese syllabary (hiragana and katakana) arrangement? And isn't this the kind of sender's name you'd only see in spam emails?

As expected of Yuigahama, her writing is full of slutty charm. So I put my phone away and pretended I had never seen it.

As for the survey forms that I was originally supposed to help the teacher categorize, they were going very smoothly, and there were only a few left. I sped up and finished categorizing the last few.

Hiratsuka-sensei glanced at him sideways and coughed.

"Okay, Hachiman. You've helped me a lot, go to your club now."

She didn't even glance at me, simply lighting the cigarette in her mouth with a lighter. She seemed unusually gentle then, perhaps because the pity she felt for me earlier hadn't completely faded. However, the fact that this attitude alone made her seem gentle showed just how unkind she usually was.

"Yes. Then, I'll go to the club."