My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 315

Yui looked back and forth between me and Yukinoshita, then mustered her courage and spoke. I nodded and pulled out the chair directly opposite them and sat down. Ah... is this what the people who come for consultations see? Today, for the first time, I realized that the chair I used to sit in was left behind diagonally opposite Yukinoshita.

"What's going on? You seem different than usual."

Yuihama asked anxiously.

I am different from usual today because I am not here as a member.

After thinking about it all night, this is the only answer I've come up with.

If a problem goes wrong at any point and an incorrect answer is obtained, the problem loses its chance to be corrected.

Nevertheless, we can still raise the question again. Therefore, this time I will strive to use the correct method and follow the correct path to accumulate the correct answers one by one. I can't think of any other means.

I let out a big breath and looked directly at Yukinoshita and Yuihama.

"I have something I'd like to ask you."

The words I had rehearsed in my mind countless times came out of my mouth unexpectedly smoothly.

Perhaps for this reason, Yuihama showed a relieved expression upon hearing this.

"You finally said it properly..."

Yuihama's smile was warm, but Yukinoshita's was completely different. Her gaze was fixed on us, yet she seemed to ignore me entirely. Under that icy gaze, my voice grew weaker.

"The Christmas event that Isshiki mentioned before is in a worse situation than I imagined, so I'd like to ask for your help..."

After finally finishing speaking, Yukinoshita lowered her gaze and mumbled something indistinctly.

"But……"

"Stop, I know what you're going to say."

Upon hearing a word that implied negation, I immediately interrupted her and began to speak fluently.

"I understand that this was my personal action, and I did say that doing so wouldn't really help her. However, I was the one who put Isshiki in the position of student council president, and I know very well that I am the root cause of everything."

If Yukinoshita refuses, all will be lost. Although I lack the leverage to persuade her, I absolutely cannot be refused now. So, I rattled off all the reasons I could think of.

"Do you remember that elementary school student from our camping trip in Chiba Village? She's still the same as she was back then..."

"Ah, it seems to be... Rumei, right?"

Yuihama looked troubled. No one would have a good impression of that incident. No one was saved; everyone suffered the worst consequences.

That was the method I used before I got here. If I continued doing that, I would only make more mistakes. This time, to avoid repeating the same mistakes, I spoke desperately.

"So, I want to do something this time. I know that the reason things have turned out this way is because of my past actions, and I know that it's very selfish... but I still want to ask you for help."

I looked at Yukino, and saw her clenching her hands tightly on the table.

"So, you caused this. Is that right?"

"...Yes, I can't deny it."

Whether directly or indirectly, my past actions are undoubtedly the root cause of everything. This is an indisputable fact. Yukinoshita listened, silently lowering her gaze and biting her lip.

"yes……"

She let out a sound almost like a sigh, lifted her face, looked at me with moist eyes, then quickly looked away. After a moment of silence, she finally chose her words and replied in a cold voice:

"...Since it's your responsibility alone, you should find a way to solve it yourself."

Upon hearing those words, my throat tightened. But now was not the time to remain silent, so I forced out a sound:

"...That's true. Sorry, let's forget about it."

Everything is over; I can't think of any other way. And logically speaking, Yukinoshita's words are more correct.

Therefore, I fully accept her decision.

I got up to leave the office. Just then, another person called me back.

"Wait a moment."

Yuihama's sorrowful voice echoed in the cold office.

She looked at me and Yukinoshita with tears in her eyes.

"That's completely wrong. Why did it turn out like this? Don't you find it strange?"

Without any logical reasoning, she asserted in a trembling voice that we, who think theoretically, are wrong.

This was indeed Yuihama's style. My lips softened slightly, a weak smile appearing on my face, and I slowly began to speak, as if explaining to a child.

"No, it's not surprising at all... It's perfectly normal to take responsibility for one's own actions." Perhaps this was said to someone.

“…Right.”

A few seconds after I finished speaking, Yukinoshita nodded in agreement. However, Yuihama still shook her head vigorously.

"No, what you're saying is completely wrong."

Seeing her tearful expression, I felt a tightness in my chest and couldn't help but want to look away. However, her gentle words held my gaze firmly in place.

"This isn't solely his responsibility. Perhaps he was the one who thought about and took action, but aren't we all the same? How can we put all the blame on him..."

"...No, that's the problem with that statement."

Yuihama's head was bowed low, and she felt she should say something to her. I didn't feel forced to shoulder all the responsibility; on the contrary, I felt I had received a lot of help along the way.

Yui looked up at them, her face still showing a tearful expression.

"No problem. It's not just your fault that things turned out this way; it also includes me..."

She then turned to Yukina, her eyes filled with reproach.

Yukinoshita faced her gaze directly, keeping her mouth shut and not uttering a single word, as if accepting her reprimand without hesitation.

Yuihama, intimidated by her gaze, muttered in a low voice:

"...I think Yukino's statement is a bit cunning."

Despite her conservative tone, her eyes remained fixed on Yukinoshita. Her earnest gaze even carried a hint of aggression.

Yukino didn't look away. After hesitating for a moment about whether to speak, she finally made up her mind and said softly in a cold, thorny voice:

"...How could you say such a thing...You're just as despicable."

Yuihama bit her lip slightly upon hearing this. Their eyes met, as if they were glaring at each other.

"Wait a minute, that's not why I came here."

I don't care who's at fault or who should be blamed, and I don't want to end up with the hypocritical conclusion that "everyone is at fault." That's not my purpose in coming here today at all.

Of course, it wasn't to argue with Yuihama while watching the snow.

However, they wouldn't listen to my attempts to stop them. The two looked at each other cautiously, their argument showing no signs of stopping.

Yuihama gasped, her pale throat trembling. Tears welled in her eyes as she looked at Yukinoshita and said, word by word:

"Yukino, you never say what you mean... Some things, if you don't say them, no one will understand."

"...You didn't say anything either, you just talked about harmless things to cover it up."

Yukinoshita spoke the truth in a cold voice, her expression as frozen as a statue. Our life in the clubhouse lately has indeed been just like that.

"So, since this is what you want, that's why I..."

The words were so faint they were almost inaudible, and Yui Hama, upon hearing them, suddenly found herself speechless.

Yukinoshita had already sensed that the office had become cold and empty, and everyone was just sitting there waiting for the end time to arrive.

Yuihama and I not only accepted this compromise, but we might even impose it on Yukinoshita, demanding that she accept it as well.

No one spoke their true inner voice, no one spoke of what they truly wanted.

We were both addicted to that kind of environment and to each other's actions.

Ideals and understanding are completely different things.

"If you don't say it out loud, you won't understand, right...?"

I'm concerned about what Yuihama said earlier. There's no doubt that some things will remain unsaid until they're spoken. But even if we say them, will the other person necessarily understand?

Hearing my murmur, Yui turned her head, her gaze still lowered beneath the snow. Urged on by Yui's gaze, I continued:

"However, even if you tell people some things, they might not understand."

"That is……"

Her lips contorted with sadness, and tears welled in her eyes, threatening to spill over. Therefore, I tried my best to speak to her gently:

"...Even if I say it out loud, I don't think I can accept it. I might overthink things and think that things aren't so simple, or that there's some hidden reason why I said those things."

Yukinoshita rarely explains things clearly, and Yuihama often glosses over things with vague language.

I myself often try to guess the meaning behind other people's words.

Therefore, even if Yukinoshita had directly stated her candidacy for student council president, I probably wouldn't have taken it literally. I think I would have considered other factors and tried to uncover her true intentions. In the end, I still went down the wrong path.

People only see what they want to see and hear what they want to hear. I am no exception.

Yuihama rubbed her eyes and suddenly lifted her face.

"Even if I can't accept it, if I talk it out properly and have a better discussion, I—"

"It's not like that."

I slowly shook my head at her words.

If you don't say it, no one will know—everyone says that. They don't understand that some things require a great deal of pain to be said, so they just use this half-understood saying that they've heard from who-knows-where.

There are many things in the world that, even if spoken, the other party will never understand; and some things are destroyed beyond repair the moment they are spoken.

"The idea that just because I said it, the other person will definitely understand is arrogance, self-satisfaction on the part of the speaker, and self-righteousness on the part of the listener... For many reasons, saying something doesn't necessarily mean that both parties will understand it. Therefore, what I want is not words."

As I spoke, my body began to tremble slightly. I looked out the window; dusk was approaching, and the office was growing colder.

Yukino listened silently. She also gently hugged her own shoulders, as if to warm herself.

Yui sniffed, wiped away the tears from the corners of her eyes, and said in a tearful voice:

"But if I don't say it, no one will ever understand..."

"Yes... hoping someone will understand without saying it is ultimately just wishful thinking. But... but, I..."

I pondered the next words, my gaze beginning to wander.

However, I couldn't find any words anywhere, only Yuihama's reddened eyes and the profile of her head bowed, with her long eyelashes drooping under the snow.

Suddenly, my vision went completely blurry.

"I……"

I tried to speak again, but I still didn't know what to say next.

What should I say now? I've said everything I can think of. This was all to re-examine what I needed to accumulate from the beginning, and now I've said it all. It's all over.

—Oh right, how could I forget? No matter how hard I try, all I can say is thoughts, theories, calculations, methods, and strategies.

Even knowing full well that no matter how much I think about it, I'll never understand, I still search for things I want to say, things I should say. Even knowing that even if I speak them, it's just a waste of breath, and no one will understand…

I don't crave words. But I do crave something.

It's definitely not about mutual understanding, getting along well, talking about everything, or simply being together. I know I'm not understood, and I don't expect others to understand me. I pursue something more demanding, more ruthless. The unknown is terrifying, so I crave "understanding." I want to understand, to know, to feel at ease, to find peace of mind. The desire for "complete understanding" is too selfish, too authoritarian, too arrogant; it's both superficial and repulsive. Just thinking about holding onto such a desire makes me feel unbearable.

That being said, if, if we could both think this way—

If there exists a couple who can mutually project their ugly self-satisfaction onto each other and build a relationship that tolerates each other's arrogance—

That's absolutely impossible, I know that perfectly well; such a wish only exists in places beyond my reach.

Grapes that you can't reach no matter how hard you jump must be incredibly sour.

However, I don't need fruit that's so sweet it's unreal. False perceptions and deceptive relationships are not what I crave.

What I crave are actually incredibly sour grapes.

Even if that bunch of grapes is sour, bitter, unpalatable, or even poisonous, or doesn't exist at all, is impossible to obtain, and even the thought of "wanting" it is not allowed—

Even so…

Before I knew it, the words were already out of my mouth. I could hear my voice trembling.

"I still..."

I tried my best to avoid choking up, my teeth chattering. Despite trying to swallow the sounds and words, they kept breaking through my teeth.