My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 357

Entering the winding alley, Yang Naicai spoke for the first time:

What major are you planning to study?

"Hmm—I guess it's a humanities department."

"Oh, no wonder he's a book-loving literary youth."

"No. It's just... like that."

I happened to run into Haruno in the downtown area earlier, and I was reading a book at the time. However, it was purely out of embarrassment; I just pulled out a book to pretend. You could call this ultimate move the "book shield." But even I felt that excuse was too embarrassing, so I quickly looked away.

Yang took half a step forward, bent down slightly, and stared at my expression.

What kinds of books do you read?

"...Basically, I accept anything. I don't read many foreign books, though."

"Hmm...like Akutagawa and Dazai Osamu?"

"It's not that I don't read their books... I just prefer popular literature."

It must be said that so-called literary works must appeal to the reader's taste in order for them to truly immerse themselves in the world within the book. Otherwise, readers will likely only be able to write empty reviews that miss the point and seem deliberately padded, such as "A truly deserving work! An immortal masterpiece! Undoubtedly the pinnacle of literature! Five-star recommendation!" In this respect, commercial entertainment works, represented by light novels, can be criticized however they want; even if the content lacks appeal, it can still be very enjoyable. Light novels are truly wonderful—alas, this form of entertainment is rather pathetic…

Yang Nai, who was walking beside me, nodded after hearing my answer and said:

"Hmm—you might not be a good fit for literature. Social sciences might be better."

I was speechless. Without my noticing, she had started analyzing suitable majors for me on the spot. Although I didn't want to receive her advice and felt somewhat resistant, I still had to accept her kindness out of politeness.

"……Thanks."

"You are welcome."

Yang Nai smiled slightly and cleared his throat.

"So, do you know what Yukino's ambition is?"

Damn it, so this is the important part! I completely forgot about thanking her earlier...

"I didn't ask her that question."

"Hmm...she probably won't tell me on her own. So, Hachiman, could you ask her for me?"

Yang patted my back hard.

However, I really don't think I can get anything out of her... That being said, I can't expect her to ask herself.

Yukinoshita will definitely not obediently tell Haruno.

Besides, I haven't even asked Yukinoshita this question yet, so there's no reason for me to ask others to do it.

"Please ask me before we meet next time."

Yang said solemnly, then exclaimed "Ah!" as if remembering something.

"By the way, did you ask Hayato directly?"

"He talked a lot, but he just wouldn't tell me the answer."

"Oh—so that's how it is..."

She shifted her gaze to the main road of the station that was gradually appearing ahead.

However, she didn't seem to be looking at the passersby.

What's reflected in those narrowed pupils is probably not this current time and space.

"Unexpectedly, he was looking forward to it too."

What are you expecting?

Yang Nai's whisper didn't seem to be directed at me, but I still reflexively asked. Only then did she turn her face back, a seductive smile spreading across her face.

"Hopefully, someone will help him find the answer."

After answering, she quickened her pace slightly, walked in front of me, and turned around. Her red coat billowed in the air.

"We've arrived at the station. Please drop us off here. Thank you!"

"Oh. So—"

Just as I was about to nod and say goodbye, she held up her index finger in front of me and said in a high-pitched voice:

"Remember to do your homework and find out what Yukino wants to do. We'll check the answers next time we meet!"

"This isn't called checking answers..."

She touched my forehead with her index finger again and laughed.

"Don't worry about such things in a small place. Goodbye!"

Yang Nai waved lightly and left without looking back.

I touched the spot where I had been touched and watched her disappear into the crowd.

Even in a crowded place, I could still spot her at a glance.

Volume 10, Second Notebook, or perhaps, that monologue belongs to everyone.

While reading, I seemed to realize something.

To be more precise, I was pulled back to reality.

This novel has a sense of familiarity; I vaguely see myself in it. I even feel that this book is about my own personality—whether it's my true nature or my wickedness.

However, this is not the case.

I refused to give up, patiently picking up book after book in my search. I read "No Longer Human" and "Run, Melos!" over and over again.

However, there are still decisive differences among them.

Even the masterpiece left by that great writer did not fully express my feelings.

When you discover that the person who took the initiative to talk to you and shared the same feelings is ultimately completely different from you, all you feel is despair.

It is precisely because of similarities that differences become more obvious and noticeable; it is precisely because of their high degree of similarity that decisive differences cannot be overlooked.

I cannot tolerate myself having had expectations, believing that I understood the other person and was understood by them in return.

Compared to the beings depicted in "No Longer Human," I am certainly more insignificant, more cowardly, and more vulgar. Even the problems that Dazai Osamu disdained and considered trivial have long troubled me.

So I wonder if I am even worse than the character in "No Longer Human," far more lonely and suspicious than the tyrannical and wicked monarch?

Not only that, I also despise my own selfishness, that I would use authoritative literature to endorse myself in order to seek answers to personal questions. How shallow, how foolish, how ugly this is! The reason I opened this book was not to purify my sins or to cultivate my character.

However, I still hope to be condemned by "honesty" and hope that someone can see through the hypocrisy of a person who is only looking out for others but is actually looking out for himself.

I crave that kind of external gaze.

Therefore, I once had some expectations—

—I hope that if it were this book, or someone who is particularly perceptive of evil, they might have the opportunity to discover and see through this version of themselves.

However, the other party was already observing from such a close distance, and had even seen through everything else, but they just missed me.

Compared to blame and contempt, this kind of treatment is more agonizing for me.

Volume 10, Chapter 7: No matter what, Hayama Hayato always caters to everyone's expectations.

I closed the book and collapsed onto the sofa.

In the quiet living room, the springs in the chair cushions made a soft rustling sound, and Xiaoxue, who was dozing off at the kotatsu table, immediately perked up her ears.

Komachi was studying hard at her cram school, and her parents were still locked up at the company, leaving only Koyuki and me alone in the desolate house.

Lying back on the sofa, my eyes were almost blindingly bright from the light, so I turned my face towards the window. It was already pitch black outside, and the cold wind was constantly slapping against the glass.

Several days after the college entrance interview, there was still no progress on Hayama's team selection. I tried asking around several more times, but all to no avail.

Time keeps slipping away, and before I knew it, the marathon was just around the corner. After tomorrow, at the end of this month, is the deadline for submitting the graduation development survey.

I got up and crawled into the futon-covered table. On the table was the survey form I had already filled out.

Regarding my future aspirations, my answer is very clear.

For my senior year of high school, the choice between arts and sciences was definitely arts, without any hesitation. As for the universities I plan to apply to, I'll primarily focus on private arts programs, filling in names and departments that match my abilities.

My decision was quite simple. It's because my strength lies in the humanities. As for the sciences, well, that's a disaster; I practically gave up on them from the very beginning.

I don’t know if I should call it luck, but my sexual orientation is reflected in my grades, so I have almost no worries when it comes to college entrance exams.

Besides, I didn't have many choices to begin with, and I could get the answer using elimination.

So, what about people who have too many choices, just like me?

For example, Yukino Yukinoshita.

How did she decide on her major?

Now I regret never having asked her. If we're talking purely about aptitude, Yukinoshita is the closest to Hayama Hayato.

As a result, I was the first to rule out her choice as a reference. Thinking about it now is pointless. I have a feeling that if I continue to delve into why things turned out this way, I will encounter even more cruel problems.

We should prioritize thinking about Hayama's situation now.

How exactly did Hayama Hayato make his decision? He had so many options that even if he used my method or elimination method, there were absolutely no negative factors that could be removed.

The more opinions I hear, the less I understand.

Hayama excels in both humanities and sciences, and also has the opportunity to be admitted through a sports recommendation. With such outstanding qualifications, he can certainly choose to take the AO entrance exam or the recommendation selection process.

If he, like Totsuka, had already revealed his intended major, perhaps there would be a way to deduce it back. However, I simply cannot ask him to that point now. Or, if he were as easy to understand as Zaimokuza and not good at socializing, perhaps the situation would be different. Unfortunately, Hayama is not that kind of person either.

Judging from his grades and usual performance, it was an almost impossible task.

In that case, we need to change our way of thinking.

For example, consider the family factors Kawasaki faced. Her choices show that she was thinking of her family. Returning to Hayama, family factors would only make his choices more diverse, not become an obstacle.

That person seems to have no worries or flaws. This is an opinion that both I and the Ministry of Revenue agree on. To borrow Ebina's words, it means "not showing any weaknesses, not hurting anyone, and always conforming to everyone's expectations."

No matter whose opinion I ask, no matter what people around me say, I only see infinite possibilities in Hayama.

Nothing can stump him—that's the kind of person Hayato Hayama is.

Gentle, handsome, lively, with a bright smile, and skilled in both literature and martial arts—he is just that perfect.

Everyone held this impression of him. No one ever thought he was a bad person.

Wait a moment--

Is that really the case?

There was just one person who held a different opinion.

Hayato Hayama once explicitly said this to me alone—

—I'm not as good as you think.

If this statement is true, it means that Hayato Hayama has doubts about his role. He's the only one in the world who doesn't consider himself a good person.

Being praised by everyone is not a pleasant thing. It's even more unbearable when someone actually meets those expectations. Knowing full well that it's purely hypocritical, malicious pretense, and arrogant self-satisfaction, yet continuing to conform to everyone's expectations truly makes me want to vomit.

I don't know who it was, but they told me to stop sacrificing myself. What kind of nonsense is that? They said that true self-sacrifice is about meeting everyone's expectations and not hurting anyone!

She said he has always been like this, and nothing has changed.

Throughout his journey, he listened to his parents' advice and the opinions of others, without being careless or perfunctory. What kind of choices would such a person make? Someone who has always been relied upon, burdened with expectations, and never disappointed anyone—what path does he ultimately want to take?

Sigh, I simply can't believe it.

If it were me, I'd probably be suffocating, wishing I could just throw off all the burdens and destroy everything. Having to bear their expectations when we're complete strangers just annoys me to no end. Whether those people I can't even remember by name or face, let alone be friends or likes, approve of me, I simply can't be bothered. Whether they praise me or have expectations of me, I won't accept them.

However, Hayato Hayama would never do that. He would maintain this persona until the very last moment, so as not to hurt anyone and to meet everyone's expectations.

Many people take it for granted that Hayama should be friendly, gentle, or playful, forcing him to sacrifice himself. This is quite arrogant. But unfortunately, Hayama happens to possess the ability to meet these widespread expectations.

Unfortunately, there's another aspect of Hayama that he absolutely refuses to compromise on.

He resolutely refused to reveal the group he had chosen.

Since everyone is so eager to hear it, why won't he say it?

I lay on the sofa, gazing at the glass window, where the bright interior was vaguely reflected. Although the image was semi-transparent, I couldn't see through it; my gaze was fixed on the illusory reflection.

In the darkness of the night, my face reflected in the window looked ashen. I got up and went closer to the window, wondering if I looked unwell.

As I looked at it, I remembered something from the past. Hayama had asked me what I should do if he made a request that was the opposite of what others asked. He also told me not to bother him with those kinds of questions anymore.