My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 519

"What's up?"

I glanced at him. Hayama leaned forward slightly, staring at the hand holding the coffee. His shadow fell on his profile, illuminated by the streetlight.

"...I already said it, it's something from the past. Did you know she was bullied in elementary school? Back then, she said something similar... 'I can manage on my own, I won't depend on you... I don't need help.'"

"Oh... I feel like I've heard that name somewhere before."

"Yes, that's why I remembered."

Hayama slightly raised his head and smiled in response to my agreement. However, his cheerful tone immediately turned somber.

"...I can't do anything."

His gaze and voice both fell to the ground.

"No, that's not right. In terms of the outcome, the situation is even worse. It's all because I didn't help to the end that the damage was amplified. And all I said was... I would try to do something within my capabilities."

Hayama gave me a self-deprecating smile. I found his gaze annoying and shrugged.

"Are you repenting? If you want to repent, go find a wall."

"Isn't it pretty much the same as what I'm telling you?"

His tone was joking, but his drooping brows, illuminated by the streetlights, betrayed his guilt. His hand, gripping the coffee can, trembled slightly, a stark contrast to his expression. A cold wind blew again, but his trembling was certainly not due to the chill.

Even today, regret—or perhaps anger—still lingers in his heart.

I recall that summer when Hayama and Yukino briefly mentioned their past. I didn't hear the details directly, so my account includes my own speculation. But I think that Tsurumi Rumi's situation at the time was the path he and she had walked together.

Judging from Yukino Yukinoshita's beauty, temperament, and intelligence, it's easy to imagine that she was very eye-catching from a young age. It's also not hard to imagine how a child with such unique and distinctive qualities would be treated in a group.

In this situation, the actions taken by childhood friend Hayato Hayama are probably the worst options I can think of. Simply put, he intervenes to mediate, hoping that Yukinoshita can get along better with the group—with the girls.

However, this only angered that group. Unsurprisingly, Hayama Hayato's actions demonstrated this. Besides, how could someone in their childhood, unable to control their emotions, possibly understand self-control?

I don't know how smart Hayama was back then. At least now he clearly understands how foolish his actions were.

"I should have done everything I could to help her back then. That way..."

So what can be done?

This statement displeased me, and I squinted one eye.

Is it meaningful to discuss hypothetical topics?

"At least they would feel that they didn't want it to turn out this way."

Ignoring my gaze, Hayama gave another self-deprecating smile. His usual cheerfulness was gone, replaced by a dark, lifeless gaze.

"You shouldn't be hesitant about helping. You should seriously and do your best. I don't have that awareness, nor that motive... but you're different, aren't you?"

The voice spoke of an impossible future, the eyes seemed to plead for help, and the mouth recounted a past I knew nothing about—all of this inexplicably made me anxious. I clenched my teeth.

"That's your own regret. Don't entrust it to me without your consent."

My tone unconsciously sharpened, and my gaze remained fixed on Ye Shan. He silently lowered his eyes.

"Yes... it's my regret. It's been there since then, it can't be erased, it can't be forgotten. I'm always looking back... I can never move forward."

He clutched his chest in agony, letting out muffled groans. His handsome face was contorted with grief, and the sounds he made seemed as if he were about to vomit blood.

What would someone who only knows the ordinary Hayato Hayama think upon seeing this scene? Disappointed? Sympathetic? Or contemptuous?

But I was jealous of him. Seeing his regretful expression, I even felt envious.

If this memory can be vividly imprinted in my mind, treasured like a precious gem for a lifetime, constantly on my mind, I will never forget it.

I will not regret it.

His distressed expression was so striking that I couldn't help but want to look away. But Ye Shan stood on the sand, his whole body facing me, not allowing me to turn my head away.

"Hachiman... what you did was wrong. This is not what you should be doing."

I couldn't look away, nor could I turn my head or close my eyes.

Only you.

Only you are willing to tell me.

Words that are so accurate they're undeniable, so ambiguous they can be interpreted in any way, are utterly irrelevant.

You are Hayato Hayama, that's really great.

You can't stand by and watch anyone get hurt, and you can't allow others to hurt anyone. That's why you still can't forgive yourself.

Not wanting to harm anyone, yet ending up hurting those I cherish. Even so, I still can't betray the self-image I've created with myself and others, ultimately driven to a dead end. With such a pained expression, I preach meaningless righteousness, hurting myself in the very moment.

Even knowing I can't do it, even knowing I can't do it, I still can't help but say it out loud.

I hate that about him from the bottom of my heart.

It's really annoying. That's why I can say it.

I would never say such a thing to anyone else.

I speak because I deeply empathize with you, yet completely fail to understand you. I speak because we share nothing in common, yet have countless similarities, and cannot accept our differences. I speak because you are someone who never makes mistakes and is always on the right path.

I gritted my teeth, clenched my fists, and exhaled gently.

"Shut up... I know."

I know I'm going in the wrong direction. But I have no other choice. I don't know any other methods.

In the end, this is the only way we can communicate.

There's only one thing I can do.

Only one available.

"I know all of this. That's why I did it. This is the only way to prove it."

I slowly opened my eyes and saw the white smoke I exhaled drifting in the air, gradually melting away, disappearing as soon as it left my mouth, just like my words.

"...Prove what?"

Ye Shan's gaze at me was practically glaring. His serious question was giving me a headache. I hadn't prepared any impressive reasons.

Should I make up an excuse, or just bluff my way out of it, or spout some grand principles? I spent a moment thinking about it, and finally decided to exhale the emotions that were weighing on my chest along with the white breath.

"That girl doesn't need help. Even so, I still want to help her... Since that's the case, it's not codependency. As long as I can prove that."

I laughed out loud without thinking.

I don't know if it was my words that surprised him, or my smile that astonished him. Ye Shan blinked a few times, then slumped his shoulders, a faint, bitter smile appearing on his face.

"Hachiman... do you know what that feeling is called?"

"I know. It's called a man's perseverance."

I raised the corners of my mouth and boasted with a sarcastic smile.

Volume Thirteen Interlude

Even after he left, I couldn't get up for a long time.

Someone told a huge lie with that kind of expression, and I really don't know what to say in response.

As a result, our conversation ended there. He unilaterally decided that I would pay for the coffee, and after finishing it, he only said "goodbye" that was almost drowned out by the wind before immediately going home. Maybe he just ran away because he was too shy to stand it.

That's why I was able to stay in the park alone.

I really don't like him. I can't forgive myself for wavering for even a moment because of those words.

I let out what felt like the umpteenth deep sigh, glancing at the phone I was still clutching. To be honest, I didn't really want to contact that person first.

However, without certainty, neither he nor she can move forward. To paraphrase him, I also have what is called a man's insistence.

I moved my fingers, stiff from the cold wind, and pressed the call button. At the same time, I prayed silently that she wouldn't answer.

However, she would definitely answer the phone at a time like this. Just as I was certain, the call ended, and a lazy voice came through.

"Hey──"

I replied with a pre-rehearsed line.

"Would it be convenient for us to meet up later?"

"...Hmm. Sure."

In that brief silence, she seemed to sense something. This person is always so perceptive; it's really unsettling. From the past until now, I've never been able to hide anything from her. This time will surely be no different.

With my usual ominous feeling, I exchanged a few pleasantries before she immediately hung up the phone.

╳ ╳ ╳

The meeting place that person specified was a coffee shop she used to frequent.

After finishing my Blue Mountain coffee, which is definitely not cheap for a high school student, I looked at my watch as I ordered a second cup.

The agreed time had passed, but she had not sent any notification.

Whenever she invites me out, if I'm even slightly late, I get constantly rushed and pressured, while she treats me like this when I'm late. I'm used to it, so I don't bother contacting her anymore.

I once asked her if she treated other people the same way. She proudly replied, "Yes." However, that wasn't the case. Surprisingly, she was punctual and kept her promises. Even when she made plans with friends and arrived too early, she wouldn't hold it against them, even if they had to wait.

However, her attitude became more casual only towards a certain group of people.

This could be seen as an expression of affection or trust. In fact, she had this tendency towards him and her sister. Like a cat playing with its prey, she maintained an innocent and naive mindset.

But there are exceptions, some of which don't even qualify as toys. To her, they're only worth as much as scratching posts.

As I was lost in thought, the second glass of Blue Mountain coffee was served. I took a sip and found it more bitter than the first one.

Soon after, the sound of bells mingled with the low volume of classic jazz. I looked towards the shop entrance, and a splash of red entered the black-themed interior.

She took off her coat while ordering at the counter, and then found me in no time, came over and sat down opposite me.

"What's wrong?"

I gently shook my head, waiting for the Guatemala coffee she was most likely to order to be served. She picked up her coffee cup, rested for a moment, and then I finally spoke.

"Interdependence... is that what you told him?"

Perhaps because the question came so suddenly, she seemed a little surprised. I rarely saw that expression, and I couldn't help but smile. She smiled too, as if in response to me.

"...You heard? That's surprising. He actually told you something like that."

I couldn't help but wonder how to interpret her smile. Was it simply that she found his unexpected action amusing, or did it contain a hint of contempt directed at someone like me?

It doesn't matter which it is, or even if it's both. The person she's interested in isn't me, but him.

So, the person we should be talking about isn't me, but him.

"No, it was just mentioned when we were talking about other things... but I can guess who would deliberately use such words to provoke him."

"Pretty impressive, detective. You got it right."

She spoke in a joking tone, but the temperature in her eyes had plummeted to freezing, clearly indicating she didn't want me involved. This was a signal for me to back off while we were still joking. I deliberately ignored it, my gaze fixed on the coffee cup beside me.

Why do such a thing?

"Because it's true."

Her cheerful voice betrayed no guilt, but rather sounded quite happy. Caught out of the corner of my eye by her long, slender fingers interlaced, I sighed softly.

"They should just stay like that. Slowly, like that..."

"That's a fake, isn't it? I only want to see the real thing."

It was a cold voice that interrupted me. I was probably the only one who sensed she was upset. Although I thought it was just because we'd spent a lot of time together, I could still tell.

As this real feeling warmed my chest, I lifted my face and gazed into her eyes.

"I believe that some mindsets can also grow from this experience."

"Impossible. Am I wrong?"

She slowly narrowed her eyes, her gaze, frozen in ice, piercing me. This echoed what she had said that summer, on that day.

Her gaze, her voice, always held me captive. As a result, I couldn't move forward, and she remained there too.

Nothing has changed. She will hurt what she cherishes first, so that no one else can hurt it. And then, she will not forgive anyone who has hurt it.

"Do you...hate that much?"

As for who he hates, I didn't ask.

She blinked as if taken advantage of, but immediately smiled, as if she understood what I meant.