My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 557

"Hello...you understand so well. It makes me feel really uncomfortable..."

"Where did all that effort you made to change your tune go?"

"Why not just not change your mind in the first place? Sometimes, a thoughtful gesture can be more hurtful!" I said wearily. Yui laughed happily and continued drinking her coffee au lait. This time, she let out a satisfied sigh and stretched.

"...This timing seems pretty good."

She lowered her raised hands and looked at my face, seeking my consent. I slowly nodded.

"Occasionally... but if it's like this every day, there's really nothing to do."

"Ah, things to do... It's really boring without club activities. I didn't think so before."

"Yeah. After entering my second year of high school, I went there almost every day for various reasons. I can't even remember what I was doing in my first year of high school."

"Seriously... how am I going to get through my senior year of high school?"

Yui placed her hands on the bench, stretched out her legs and swung them back and forth, gazing at the distant horizon. I, on the other hand, poked at the stones at my feet with the tip of my shoe and spoke in a muffled voice.

"I'll be preparing for the exam right away, so I won't have time to think about these things."

"Maybe."

Yuihama said with a wry smile, and I smiled wryly in response.

Soon after, we both stopped smiling. Perhaps it was because we were discussing the future, but we couldn't see what was most important; we only saw a future devoid of emotion, as if we were dealing with business.

No, definitely not.

It's because the present is missing before discussing the future. I don't know about Yuihama's situation, but I've at least noticed the parts I'm deliberately avoiding mentioning.

The evening breeze began to carry a chill, and the song "The Sunset Glows Fading" poured from the park's loudspeakers. As soon as the music started, the children in the park began their journey home.

The setting sun painted the western sky crimson, while the eastern sky was tinged with a pale indigo, the gap between them a bluish-purple. This sky will surely turn blue someday (note).

Note: This refers to the period before sunrise and after sunset when the sky appears deep blue.

I remained silent, gazing up at the sky, while Yuihama beside me whispered:

"...an autistic man."

"Um?"

I looked to the side. She called my name, but kept her head down, her lips tightly pressed together, and kept taking short, rapid breaths, as if she was worried about whether or not to speak.

After a while, she finally made up her mind, raised her head and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Do you really think this is a good idea?"

I believe I understand what that sentence means.

"There's nothing good or bad about it..."

"The decision isn't mine," Yuihama interrupted before she could even speak, shaking her head.

"Think carefully before you answer. If you really feel this is the right time, if it's really over, then I'll properly express my wish... it really is a very important wish."

The moment she stared intently at me, the words I was about to utter vanished. I subconsciously bit my lower lip and lowered my gaze slightly.

Seeing her so serious expression, I realized I couldn't give an uncertain answer.

I can't be perfunctory, I can't lie, and I can't pretend to be considerate of others. Even if I use fallacies to get away with it and choose to run away, she would probably forgive me with a smile, but I can't rely on her gentleness.

I cannot betray her.

Because this is the only girl in the whole world, I don't want her to hate me.

"...I don't think so."

I managed to squeeze out a reply, and Yui nodded with a smile. Her reaction finally prompted me to say the next sentence:

"I think the disbanding of the club is something we can't do without. Normally, we would leave the club sometime next year, like other clubs. Also, our advisor, Hiratsuka-sensei, is leaving. So, it's not wrong to let it end. It was bound to happen sooner or later."

Yuigahama nodded.

"The disbandment of the club was inevitable. I also know that Yukinoshita didn't mean it that way. I accept all the reasons for the disbandment... I think it's okay to let it end."

I've finally said what I couldn't say to them face to face before.

To this day, I've always been aware of the existence of the end, but I've never dared to face it. In this way, I can finally say goodbye to my naive self.

I breathed a deep sigh of relief after successfully saying those words.

Yuihama placed the cup aside, straightened her posture, put her legs together, and faced me.

"I see... well..."

She spoke hesitantly, carefully considering her words, her hands restless on her thighs. A moment later, as if preparing herself, she clutched the hem of her skirt.

"So……"

I have no right to hear what follows that statement.

Because I haven't finished saying what I needed to say.

"However, there's one thing I can't accept..."

When I interrupted Yui, she immediately fell silent, her eyes showing surprise and confusion. However, she didn't protest, but simply nodded quietly. This gesture prompted me to continue.

"If she saw it as a compensatory act of giving up something, based on compromise rather than making this choice sincerely, I cannot agree with it. Since it has been distorted by me, that responsibility—"

At this point, I suddenly shut my mouth.

As I was speaking, I realized that wasn't the case.

I almost tried to evade the issue with another pointless word game. Now that things have come to this, what am I trying to hide with such a roundabout excuse?

That's not what I meant to say.

Yui looked at me with concern as I suddenly fell silent, her eyes revealing doubt and unease.

I took a deep breath and patted my cheeks with both hands. Yuihama flinched, pressed her hands to her chest, and asked, still shaken:

"Oh my god, that scared me to death... Why did that all of a sudden..."

"Sorry, never mind what I said. I was just showing off."

I turned to Yuihama and said. She opened her eyes wide, blinked two or three times, and then laughed.

"What is that?"

Yuihama probably didn't expect me to say that, and was inexplicably amused, chuckling. I also felt that I looked ridiculously pathetic.

It's a really bad habit. An unnecessary sense of self is always in my mind, making me unconsciously try to appear as handsome as possible in front of her.

I brought the bitter coffee to my mouth, washing away the affected, flowery words that clung to my tongue. This time, I didn't choose my words carefully; I simply said:

"What I'm about to say is disgusting. Simply put, I don't want to have anything to do with her anymore. I can't accept that."

After I said it, I felt incredibly stupid. My clumsy way of expressing myself made me smile self-deprecatingly.

Yuihama seemed surprised as well.

However, she didn't laugh at me at all. Instead, she gracefully squinted her eyes and silently lowered her gaze.

"...I think it's probably over and over again."

"Normally, yes. Occasionally finding an excuse to meet, chatting for a bit, or getting together is enough to maintain a certain level of relationship."

I recall Professor Hiratsuka mentioning in the car the key points of communicating with people: stating general principles. However, general principles are ultimately just general principles.

"...But I'm different. I can't stand those kinds of perfunctory relationships."

I finally understood after I poured out my thoughts. I finally accepted it after putting them into words.

The reason is actually quite simple. I just don't want to drift further and further away from her.

After desperately trying to justify myself, piecing together reasons, excuses, circumstances, and situations, I finally managed to utter these clumsy words. How naive and useless I am!

As I berated myself, I once again let out a self-deprecating smile.

"Even if I try for a while, I'm confident I can definitely distance myself from her. Because I'm an expert at ending relationships."

"Why are you so proud of this...?"

Yui smiled, looking troubled, but didn't deny it. After all, we'd been together for almost a year, so she naturally understood this little thing.

There was another person I spent almost a year with.

"By the way, Yukinoshita is probably the same."

"...Well, um."

"Right? So if I give up on this relationship, it'll probably be the end... I can't accept that."

I couldn't come up with either complicated fallacies or simple words. Faced with my own utter helplessness, I could only manage a bitter smile. Yui silently stared at my pathetic expression, finally letting out a helpless sigh.

"This is something that no one will understand if it's not explained."

"Even if I explained it, they might not understand... This is unreasonable and doesn't constitute a reason; it's just a nonsensical statement."

Not only is it self-centered, but it's also a twisted logic that even I can't understand. It's impossible to correct it into existing vocabulary; I gave up on it from the very beginning. These thoughts just slipped out of my own pathetic and awkward mouth.

However, even such words were met with nods of agreement from Yuihama.

"Hmm, to be honest, I don't understand it at all. It's inexplicable and disgusting."

"Right? I totally agree... but aren't you going a bit too far?"

Yuihama's words were merciless, and even I felt a little sad. However, there was a smile in her eyes.

"...But then again, I think I can understand. It's completely your personality."

"Right?"

She stood a fist's distance from me, adjusted her posture, and stared at me directly.

"Hmm...so I think I definitely need to tell her."

"Even if the message can't be conveyed, you should still say it?"

I felt a punch on my shoulder. Yuihama puffed out her cheeks and glared at me.

"I still have to say it! You just haven't tried hard enough to convey it."

You've hit a nerve.

She's right. I always feel like I can't get things out, and I'm constantly in a state of giving up. That's why I've never been able to say what's most important.

But she was willing to tell me.

"It's true that words alone can't convey everything. But... that's precisely why I'll try to understand, so it's okay. Yukino probably feels the same way."

Earnest words, persuasive tone, and watery eyes squinting in the dazzling sunset.

Ah, I see. Everything about Yuihama has made everything clear to me.

Now, I am indeed trying to understand what she said.

Although those words are absolutely illogical, absolutely cannot be explained by theory, and may contain elements of subjectivity and intuition.

We use this method to fill the void in each other's lives.

"My wish was decided a long time ago."

Yuihama suddenly stood up, turned her back to me, and looked up at the sunset sky.

The sunset that appeared behind her was similar in color to what she had seen before.

The sea rippled silently on that snowy evening.

"...I want them all."

Although the scent of the tide was gone, and the dazzling snowflakes were absent, she said the same thing as before. Finally, Yuihama quietly exhaled a deep breath and turned back to face me.

"So, during ordinary after-school hours like this, I hope Yukino is by my side. Where you and Yukino are, I hope I'm there too."

With her back to the setting sun, in the warm light and the cold wind, she whispered as if making a wish.

"...So, you must tell her."

Ignoring the blinding sunset, I imprinted her watery yet resolute eyes and her dreamlike, beautiful smile into my memory.

"Don't worry, I will explain everything clearly."

I told myself to be sincere and to speak to her clearly. Yui chuckled, sat back down on the bench, looked at my face, and asked teasingly:

"Really?"