My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 563

"Perhaps you don't want this... but I want to continue this relationship with you. Not out of obligation, but out of my own will... so, give me the power to distort your life."

I almost shut my mouth several times during the journey. Each time, I forced myself to inhale and exhale shallow breaths repeatedly, in order to avoid saying the wrong thing and spending a long time finishing each word and sentence.

During this time, Yukinoshita didn't interrupt, but just stared at her cuffs.

The only sounds nearby were the noise of cars and the howling wind. It would be better to be completely silent than to remain so.

"...What do you mean by 'distorted'? What do you mean by saying that?"

She suddenly spoke up, glancing at me. To fill the silence, I launched into a long explanation:

"My influence isn't big enough to change other people's lives. We'll probably all continue our studies, reluctantly find jobs, and live fairly normal lives. But if we get involved with each other, we might start taking detours, or stay in the same place, and all sorts of changes might occur... So, life could become a bit distorted."

My incoherent speech finally elicited a slightly forlorn smile from Yukinoshita.

"...That's twisted enough."

"I feel the same way. Meeting, talking, getting to know each other, separating... with each stage, it seems to become more distorted."

"You're twisted enough as it is... though I'm just as twisted."

This remark, a mix of humor and self-deprecation, made both Yukinoshita and I smile.

My eccentricities and her overly straightforwardness must have seemed twisted to others. Despite our vast differences, where we share no common ground, we are probably the same in our twistedness. Every time we come into contact or clash, we unconsciously change shape, never to be restored.

"It will become even more distorted later. However, since I'm going to distort other people's lives, I will naturally pay the corresponding price."

They knew perfectly well that empty talk was worthless.

"...I have almost no property; all I can offer are time, feelings, the future, and life—these unrealistic things."

Even though they knew this agreement was meaningless.

"My life so far has been nothing special, and I probably don't have much of a future... However, since I'm going to interfere in other people's lives, it wouldn't be fair if I didn't stake my own life in the process."

Even so, I still wield the chisel called words to dig out the message I want to convey.

Even though I know it won't get through, I still have to say it.

"I have everything I have, so let me interfere in your life."

Yukinoshita slightly opened her mouth, as if she wanted to say something for a moment, but immediately swallowed it back into her mouth along with the air.

Then, she stared at me with a glaring look, and in a trembling voice, squeezed out words that were probably not what she originally wanted to say.

"That's not fair. My future and prospects aren't worth you going to such lengths... You have more to offer..."

My tear-filled eyes lowered their gaze, and the moment the sound beneath the snow stopped, I raised one corner of my mouth, trying to project an arrogant, conceited, and as sarcastic smile as ever.

"Then I'm relieved. My life so far hasn't had much value, and there's no room for it to depreciate further; it's practically a wallpaper stock. In a sense, it actually guarantees I won't lose money. Now is the most cost-effective time to buy."

"This is a common sales tactic used by fraudsters. It's the worst kind of sales pitch."

We looked at each other with expressions that were half-crying and half-laughing. Yukinoshita took a step closer, tapped my chest, looked up, and stared at me with her tear-filled eyes.

"...Why do you keep saying such nonsense? There's something else to say."

"How could I possibly say such a thing..."

I laughed pathetically, my face scrunched up.

One sentence is hardly enough.

Even if I use all my honest words, superficial words, jokes, and common phrases, I still can't fully convey my feelings.

This is not such a simple emotion. It certainly contains feelings that could be conveyed in a single sentence. However, to try and summarize it in a single sentence would be a lie.

Therefore, I kept talking and desperately made up reasons, including everything from reasons to circumstances to situations, so that she could not find excuses. I eliminated all external obstacles and blocked all escape routes, and finally we got to this point.

These words could never be understood by her. It doesn't matter if she doesn't understand. It doesn't matter if they can't be conveyed.

I just wanted to tell her.

Under the snow, she gazed at my pathetic, bitter smile, and finally spoke with little confidence:

"I think I'm a very troublesome person."

"I know."

"It will keep causing trouble."

"It's not something that happened in just one or two days."

"Both stubborn and unlovable."

"Yeah."

"I hope you'll disagree."

Don't force people to do things they don't want to do.

"I feel like I'll become increasingly dependent on you and fall into a downward spiral."

"As long as I become more depraved, that's fine. If everyone depraved together, there would be no depraved individuals."

"besides--"

"It doesn't matter."

I interrupted Yukinoshita, who was still searching for words.

"No matter how difficult or tricky it is, it doesn't matter. That's the best way."

"...What? I'm not happy at all."

Yukinoshita lowered her head and punched my chest again.

"pain……"

It didn't hurt at all, but it was more polite to pretend. Yukino pouted as if throwing a tantrum.

"Anything else?"

"Your personality is so eccentric, sometimes I really don't understand you, and it even makes me unhappy. But I feel there's nothing I can do about it, because I'm not much better myself... Even if I complain, I can still get along with you pretty well."

The moment the words left my mouth, she silently punched me again.

I willingly accepted it and gently took her slender hand in mine.

If only there were others, really. But these are all I have.

If only there were simpler words.

How wonderful it would be if it were a simpler, more genuine feeling.

If it were just simple admiration or longing, it certainly wouldn't cause such anxiety, making one feel that once missed, it will never be obtained again.

"While it may not be enough to justify distorting your life, I'm giving you everything I have. You can throw it away anytime you don't need it, or forget about it if you find it troublesome. This is all my own decision, so you don't need to reply."

Yukino sniffed and nodded.

"I will explain."

Then, she gently rested her forehead on my shoulder.

Please entrust your life to me.

"...It feels so heavy."

I sighed, and Yukinoshita bumped my forehead against hers in protest.

"What can I do? I don't know what else to say..."

She was like a kitten, bumping her forehead against me and gently tugging at my clothes.

The feelings that words cannot express are indeed conveyed through the warmth of the skin.

Volume 14, Chapter 8: The door opened again.

If I had a time machine, I'd probably go back and kill my past self.

Just thinking about it makes me feel so ashamed, so embarrassed, so incredibly humiliated.

I kept asking myself, isn't there a better way to express myself, a smarter way to do it, or a more handsome way to do it?

However, no matter how much I think about it, I feel that's the limit of what I can do. Even if it's not the optimal solution, it's definitely not wrong. That's the only thing I can guarantee. To be honest, compared to my past self, I even want to praise myself for overcoming an overly strong sense of self.

However, this is a different matter from that. No means no.

Yesterday, while I was showering, I hid in the sound of the water and screamed to my heart's content. After showering, I immediately crawled into bed, covered my head with the blanket, and rolled around on the bed.

If possible, I would like to take a full three-year leave of absence. However—

See you tomorrow……

The words she said to me keep echoing in my ears.

After sunset, we started our journey home at the same time. Our eyes barely met along the way, and we chatted about trivial things until we arrived at the station, about to part ways—

She waved stiffly and whispered goodbye, like a beckoning cat. Since she said that, I naturally couldn't not go to school.

To be honest, for various reasons, I really don't want to step into school or into the classroom.

But now that I've already made up my mind, this time it's my self-awareness that won't allow me to run away. Even though this behavior is pathetic, I have a bad habit of putting on a brave face and trying to maintain a good image for the sake of my petty self-esteem.

As a result, I reached a consensus with my self-awareness and implemented the compromise of "getting to the classroom at the last minute before being late." During my time in the classroom, I almost always lay on the desk, and spent the rest of the time in the toilet.

Fortunately, as long as we get through today, tomorrow will be a holiday.

The day after the holiday is the graduation ceremony; there are no classes, and I can go home before noon. Then spring break begins! So this anxiety will only last a few more days.

Now that there are no more regular classes, everyone is busy selling textbooks, taking personal photos, and other year-end activities, and time flies by.

Half a day passed quickly. When get out of class ended, the classroom was filled with the excitement of being freed from schoolwork.

Some people were discussing where to have lunch, where to spend their holiday tomorrow, while others were rushing off to club activities. Everyone was killing time in their own way.

I also got up silently, blended into the crowd in the corridor, and left the classroom.

First, I went to the vending machine in the atrium. The spring sunshine and southerly breeze were pleasant, so I naturally bought a can of cold drink.

I gently swished my MAX coffee and strolled lazily down the corridor leading to the special building. A strange tension gripped me, making my mouth dry. However, the sweet coffee only made me thirstier.

Okay, what kind of expression should I wear when I see her? I thought to myself as I slowly walked forward, and before long I arrived in front of the club office.

Even though it's only been a few days, this tightly closed door feels like it's been ages since I last visited. It feels like an eternity.

I exhaled a deep breath at the door, mustered my energy, and repeatedly opened and closed my hand toward the doorknob.

My fingertips, which had remained icy cold since that day, are now indeed warm.

I gripped the doorknob and pulled the door open forcefully.

However, the door remained unmoved, only emitting a loud clicking sound. I tried again, but the result was the same. I couldn't open it no matter how hard I tried.

"It's locked..."

I clicked my tongue softly, sat down on the floor against the door, and poured the rest of my MAX coffee into my mouth. A short while later, a figure appeared at the other end of the corridor.

"Wow, you're here so early."

Yukinoshita did not quicken her pace upon seeing me, but maintained her original slow and deliberate pace.

She usually arrives at the office earlier than me, so it's quite rare for her today.

She might have walked slower than expected because of some inexplicable embarrassment or shyness.

"Sorry, have you been waiting long?"

"...Just arrived."

I thought to myself, "What a stupid conversation," but I still gave the standard answer. Yukinoshita also gave an embarrassed, wry smile.

"Could you please open the door for me?"

She tossed me the keys, which I caught firmly.

The first time I touched this key, when I actually held it in my hand, it felt like just a small, light, and unremarkable metal piece.

However, perhaps it was because Yukinoshita had been holding it in her hand all along.

The key in my hand still retains warmth.

× × ×

I don't know if it's just my imagination, but the long-unseen community office seems completely empty.

Yukino and I sat at opposite ends of the table, our usual seats.