My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

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"An autistic guy?! Wait a minute!"

Sorry, correction. He wanted to start his journey home, but his clothes were grabbed forcefully, preventing him from leaving. Hachiman Hikigaya wanted to leave in style… (his wish) (Note 4)

"Why are you getting ready to go home right away?! What's wrong with talking to me for a bit?!"

"How silly. I always pour all my energy into going home. I want to go home as soon as possible. If I could, I wouldn't want to step out of the house even once. If I could, I wouldn't want to be independent."

Also, if I may add something, I would rather die than have anything to do with that matter.

That omelet caused me such severe emotional trauma.

In fact, Yuihama, who was eating right after me, also cried. We absolutely cannot let that tragedy repeat itself.

"Yuihama, listen carefully to what I have to say."

I turned around and spoke gently, as if I were instructing a child.

Listen up! In Japan, a society with abundant food, it's easy to forget that famine is a serious problem worldwide. We live in a world where we don't worry about food, and we must remember that we are enjoying a precious blessing. Therefore, we must never waste food. Even school lunches must be finished. And the omelet you make would be rejected by hungry children in impoverished countries, who would say, "This tastes awful, so I don't want it," preferring to leave it uneaten. So you must stop cooking. It's for the good of the world…

"Oh, right. I wonder if we can borrow the home economics class again, like when we were baking cookies before. I should go and ask Ms. Hiratsuka."

She wasn't listening at all. Oh well, whatever. It's none of my business anyway.

Private First Class Hikigaya is returning to base. Communication ended.

"Huh? Where are you going? You'll help out, right?"

No, no, no, you must be joking. How could I possibly get involved in such troublesome matters? Goodbye... Thinking I was going to make a grand exit this time, I ended up being dragged to the faculty office by Yui.

"Oh, Hachiman. I'm so touched. I didn't expect you to volunteer for something like this. I see, it seems the Service Club's activities have had some positive impact on you."

Ms. Hiratsuka asked a few simple questions, then agreed without hesitation, smiling broadly. No, no, no, I told her to stop joking. I really am going home. I want to go home and laze around.

"However, this is essentially an extension of the service club's activities. You have no right to refuse."

Don't I have the right to refuse...?

I slumped my shoulders. Well, I had a pretty good idea this would be the outcome.

I don't expect Yui to make delicious bento boxes; my goal is for her to make bento boxes that, while not the most visually appealing, are at least edible.

So, I started working towards a small goal, and I think I began a secret mission that I named "Challenging the Limits (of the Tongue and Stomach)! The Secret Yuihama Kitchen ~Hell Chapter~"... I don't know.

"Alright! Let's do our best! Starting tomorrow!"

"Hey, don't start with that subtle way of encouraging people."

I felt intense unease.

That being said, now that I'm involved, I have to deal with this matter seriously.

It wasn't some cool motivation like "since it's related to me, I have to take responsibility." It was simply because eating this guy's cooking might endanger my life, and I would be in danger if I didn't help him properly.

Anyway, that's how it is, "Hihama Kitchen" is finally about to begin.

The next day, after finishing our service club activities, we secretly gathered in the home economics classroom and immediately began our special training.

"So, Ms. Yuigahama, what are we going to do today?"

I pretended to be an assistant on a cooking show and asked her a question. By the way, asking questions is fine, but I didn't intend to be her assistant and chop vegetables for her.

"Um, this time I'd like to try making mini hamburger steaks for bento boxes..."

Yui took out various ingredients (minced meat, onions, breadcrumbs, eggs, and others) that she had brought from home and stored in the refrigerator in the home economics classroom during the day, and placed them on the table. I asked her about them, and she seemed to have checked the recipes on an app first. All the ingredients looked like they were prepared.

"Okay. I'm going to start cooking now, watch carefully!"

So, they began to cook.

I decided to keep quiet for now and observe Yuihama cooking.

Let's review how to make hamburger steak.

① Chop the onion and sauté it in a pan.

② Put the minced meat into a bowl, add all the ingredients, seasonings and the onion from step ①, and mix well.

③ Shape the mixed meatballs into appropriate sizes and pat them to remove air bubbles.

④ Fry in an oiled frying pan until cooked through.

This is roughly how a typical hamburger steak is made.

The following are the steps that Hibin actually took during the operation.

①Put the minced meat in a bowl and wash it with water.

"—!?!?!?!?!?!"

Huh? This is only the first step. What is that person doing? Grinding the meat? Taking it away? Washing it with water? What?

Is this a hallucination? I saw a Homo sapiens washing minced meat over there. Is there something wrong with my brain? Or is there something wrong with Yubihama's brain?

"Um—Yuigahama-san?"

I called out to her, and Yui responded in a natural tone, "Huh? What?" Her reaction was so natural that it was terrifying.

"Um, I wanted to ask what you're doing right now..."

"What? You can tell just by looking, right? They're processing meat."

Processing the meat...? Using water...?

My brain nearly shut down due to the confusion, while Yuihama proudly declared:

"When my mom was making stir-fried pork liver with chives, I saw her washing the meat and thought, 'Oh—so the meat has to be washed first—' I was quite surprised, and then I remembered it."

How about that? Pretty impressive, right? Praise me, okay? Yuihama conveyed this message with her sparkling eyes.

Yes, that's right. Offal like pig liver is washed to remove the blood. But what about minced meat? Can it be washed? It definitely won't be a good thing.

...Mother Yuihama, you have no problem. The problem is your daughter's head.

I was very curious to see what would happen if I used washed minced meat to make hamburger patties, and the result was roughly what I expected.

The biggest problem is that the ground meat gets soggy from the water that it loses the "stickiness" needed to make hamburger patties. As a result, it's difficult to even shape the meat into an oval, and unsurprisingly, it falls apart in the blink of an eye when you fry it in a pan.

What remained in the pan was the charred remains of what had once been minced meat...

Q: Is this a hamburger steak? A: No, it's simply a carcinogen.

"Huh?! Why?! I followed the recipe exactly!"

Ideally, that would be best. Which cookbook would tell you to wash ground meat?

Let me start by saying that no cookbook will include a note saying "Please do not wash minced meat" because that's common sense that doesn't need to be explained.

Is my inability to tell her directly out of kindness, or am I simply running away from reality?

I didn't think there would be an answer to this question, so I decided to comfort her first.

"...But it looks ripe, so it's not inedible, is it?"

"Ah, yeah. That's right! Maybe it'll be quite delicious after you try it!"

No, no, no, that's impossible. I meant you were laughing so happily, but I didn't mean to compliment you. Even cavemen could fry meat. It wasn't a compliment at all...

In conclusion, the cooking is complete, so now it's time for the tasting.

"Actually, I found a helper today."

I told Yuihama.

I'm fine accompanying Yuihama during her training, but my culinary knowledge isn't extensive enough to instruct others. Plus, Yuihama's culinary failures will likely continue to increase significantly, and with just the two of us tasting, we'd probably be physically and mentally exhausted. Eating too much of Yuihama's cooking would likely have adverse effects on our health.

Therefore, I took the liberty of calling in helpers today. Not just any helpers. They are the secret helpers, arguably the strongest taste testers.

"Huh? The best taste tester is...?"

"Who?" Yuihama asked before she could finish.

The door was suddenly flung open with a loud "bang!"

The enormous figure that appeared behind the door was a man with a distinctively obese physique.

That guy was wearing a coat even in this season, boldly lifting the hem, and his glasses even flashed a little.

The moment our eyes met, the man said in a strangely handsome voice:

"...I've heard you can taste dishes made by girls themselves, is this the place? My formidable rival, my best friend?"

—The strongest taste tester, Yoshiteru Zaimokuza, is here.

"Hehehe! Leave it to me! Don't worry, even though I'm so skinny, I can eat as much as I want! I'm prepared, even if a girl's cooking is a little bad, I can still finish it all!

The strongest taste tester, Zaimokuza, uttered this extremely disgusting line as soon as he appeared.

However, only for today, the villainous appearance of the Woodman actually makes him seem very reliable.

"We're counting on you, Zaimokuza. We've been waiting for someone like you."

"Wh-what?!"

I rarely praise him so directly, and the woodworker's eyes widened.

"Hachiman...do you...do you need me that much...? You need this much time, even my mother is getting a little annoyed with me...?"

"Yes, now we need your ability. Your ability as a swordsman general, ..."

Hachiman—‼ Zaimokuza was so moved that he shed tears. The atmosphere seemed to urge us to give each other a warm hug, but we decided against it.

Well, it's because it's hot. And it's kind of... awkward for men to hug each other.

"So Yuihama, just go for it, even if you fail. Zaimokuza will eat until he's about to die."

"Huh? Oh, oh—well. Well, I'll do my best..."

Hearing me say that, Yui nodded with a very complicated expression.

As you can see, the woodworker was overjoyed, but only an hour later...

"Um, really, please have mercy on me... It hurts so much... I don't want to do this anymore..."

A dramatic difference. How could this be? The timber base had burned completely.

Not surprising. Because Yuihama was confident she would succeed next time, she challenged herself to make hamburger patties, and whenever she made a disastrous failure, Zaimokuza would help her taste it.

"Pfft! Hey Hachiman, what is this?! It has a suspicious taste that you absolutely shouldn't eat... Ah, no, wait, hehehe. But, it's not that it's inedible!"

At first, he still had the energy to pretend.

However, as Yuihama takes on more challenges, her tough facade crumbles with each failed attempt at eating her creations.

"...This, this is, um, how should I put it. Hmm. It's not inedible. The meat contains a profound flavor unlike anything I've ever tasted... Ah, it's alright, I'll just have one bite. No need. (Second time)"

"I'll die if I don't eat, I'll die if I don't eat. Come on, me! Don't lose! I can't die in a place like this... (fifth time)"

"Meat grinder...die...(tenth time)"

That's how it is. I judged that Zaimokuza was the only person I knew who would be willing to take on this task, and I wouldn't feel guilty at all if he ate Yuihama's cooking, so I asked him for help. Now that it's turned out like this, my heart really aches.

"Sorry. You can rest today. Thanks..."

This time, I have to thank him from the bottom of my heart. I'm surprised that there would be a day in my life when I could sincerely thank Zaimokuza.

"Waaah~ I'm sorry, I was such a chuunibyou..."

Yui herself had tears welling up in her eyes and apologized to him. I said, at least don't call him a chuunibyou when you apologize, call him by his real name.

In short, I must say the mission cannot continue. It's time to retreat.

It was a very sad event... We embarked on our journey home with heavy hearts.

Despite this tragic event, we must not give up. We must move forward, stepping over the corpses on the timber pedestal.

As a result, the show was very well received, and a second season of "Hihama Kitchen" was quickly produced and broadcast.

"We even have a teacher as a guest today."

Just like yesterday, I pretended to be an assistant on a cooking show. Incidentally, just like yesterday, I wasn't planning on helping her chop vegetables today either.

"Oh? You brought help today too?"

"Yes. And this time, unlike the comedic Zaimokuza we brought in, this is someone who's genuinely here to teach. Please look forward to it."

"Ah, yeah. So you called yourself a 'chuunibyou' yesterday just for laughs..."

Well, judging from the results, that's definitely the case. What can I do?