My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

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Death doesn't change anything. There's no individual difference. It's irreversible and absolute, like a bottomless abyss where light and sound can't penetrate. I feel like I've been walking along the edge of this abyss. Everything within my sight is insignificant; thrown into the abyss, it's gone.

Just before Yukino slid off the amusement park ride, she told Hachiman, "Someday, you have to come and save me." Hachiman still had a chance to save her.

I couldn't save you. I didn't have the chance, nor the power. All I could do was keep writing.

Sometimes I try to peer into the bottom of the cave. You're there, but that's not you. Even though I've known that for a long time.

As I entered my second year of university, my life remained unchanged.

No one talked to me at university or my part-time job. I couldn't get used to life in Tokyo; I always felt suffocated. Aside from the places I usually went, I was too afraid to set foot in any other places.

I finally breathed a sigh of relief as I sat on the tram heading back to my hometown. It felt like riding an elevator back to the surface from a deep underground tunnel. The narrow tracks continued my life. Light scattered into the darkness outside, leaving me with only a faint glow. I watched "The Fruit of Youth" down there. From the first to the ninth episode. After finishing it, I started watching it again from the beginning. The end is not the end. It is precisely because I know the story will continue that I can start anew.

Her story has come to an abrupt end. How can I find a compromise in the face of this fact?

I got off at the familiar station. The tram left me behind and drove away.

Volume 6.5 should be placed a little earlier, at the sports meet after the school anniversary. Unlike Volume 7.5, which is a collection of short stories, this volume is in the form of a long story plus short stories.

This time, it's all Sagami's fault for causing trouble. This guy really... hasn't grown at all since the school festival. He does nothing himself but demands opinions from others; he's really good at provoking people.

What will become of this person in the future? Will she continue to cause trouble for those around her? Maybe she'll change her mindset after going to university and have a happy life.

However, her personality is strangely realistic; I share some similarities with her, so I can't really dislike her. For example, she has an exceptionally high self-esteem and throws tantrums after failures. Being ignored by friends is something everyone experiences… ah, I haven't. Thank goodness I don't have any friends!

Hachiman and Yukino are still as shrewd and capable as ever. They seem ready to enter the workforce. (Even though I'm on the fringes.) Lately, I've started hearing people talk about job hunting, so I'm trying to see things from their perspective. Can I become as outstanding as them?

I can no longer see *Aoharu* from the same perspective I did in high school. The difficult Sagami, the gentle Hihama, the hardworking Yukino, and Hachiman's borderline foul play in the pole vaulting competition (he'd already crossed the line)—they're all adorable and endearing to me. It feels like being a parent watching their child compete from the stands. Back then, I was in the Service Club's office. Now, I'm just watching from afar as my younger friends exist.

I feel somewhat lonely because of this.

As time goes by, the age difference between me and Hachiman and the others grows larger and larger.

And the difference between her and the girl who never grows up is getting bigger and bigger.

On the holiday, I cycled along the riverbank on the same road we used to take to the retention pond. The wind blew across the vast riverbank. The sunlight made the lush green grass shimmer. I thought of the last moments I spent with her in that dim, cramped hospital room. Being able to easily replenish my lost fluids with a sports drink made me feel a little guilty.

After the major events concluded, the tenth episode focused on stories about volunteering. We've reached this stage now.

Instead of worrying about his own aspirations, he worries about the aspirations of others, which really fits Hachiman's personality.

I didn't worry much about college applications during high school. People on the fringes have a lot of free time, so they often spend their time studying.

Hiratsuka-sensei told Hachiman to face reality and think about his future after entering university. I've also reached a point where I need to seriously consider these things.

When I was with you, I should have faced reality more seriously. Your condition was clearly much more serious after you were hospitalized again. But I refused to acknowledge it. Knowing that time is running out, I should still face you properly, even if I face rejection.

Hachiman responds to requests, Hayama responds to expectations. They shine brightly in my eyes. Despite their different methods, they both strive to find a compromise with others. I lack that experience.

Even though it's the kind of life I've always hoped for, I sometimes feel incredibly uncomfortable.

At those times, I would want to see you.

I filled out a volunteer survey in the university cafeteria. Starting next year, I'll have to join the seminar.

It's lunchtime, and there are a lot of people around. I'm all alone, without any company.

Just like Hachiman and Hayama, who had to consider their college choices, the voices echoing in the cafeteria reflected the paths each person would take after graduating from university.

Each of them has a list of books they've read along the way.

I looked up at the ceiling; the noise was deafening, like a tidal wave. Not a single person was speaking to me.

Episode 10.5 is a collection of short stories. Mostly lighthearted tales.

After watching episode 6.5, I was worried about Sagami's future; this time it's Zaimokuza's turn. Is this guy okay...? Sagami seems to be able to manage to find a job outside, but what about Zaimokuza? He lacks socialization in a different sense than Hachiman.

This episode features a club called the Mass Communication Research Society; my university had a similar group, though it's not relevant to me. I'm in the so-called "Going Home Club," so I'm a little worried about having trouble finding a job. But I don't have time to worry about Zaimokuza (a type of dormitory/training center).

Iroha seems to have no problem with that. She must be very good at handling people. She seemed to be having a lot of fun with Hachiman. I remembered the day we went to the retention pond together. That's one of the most beautiful memories of my life. The sky was cloudless, the scenery was beautiful, the breeze was refreshing, and you always had a smile on your face. I'll probably live with that memory forever.

Hachiman was writing a column for the student council's free news magazine. Looking back, *Hajimeteorite* was a story that began with his essay. And inspired by him, I started writing to you. Furthermore, it was because of *Hajimeteorite* that I had the opportunity to talk to you so much through your work. Many people say light novels are neither helpful nor harmful, but *Hajimeteorite* and Hachiman changed my life. Someday, I want to be reborn into that world to thank Hachiman. Although he'll probably look at me with a "What's wrong with me?" expression.

Hachiman often senses the "end." I should also be aware of the end when I'm with you. That way, I can convey something more important to you. Even though the end will eventually come, I should leave something behind there.

The latest episode of "Guo Qing" has been released, and another year has passed.

I entered my junior year of college and joined a seminar. There, I would occasionally discuss work-related matters with the people around me. I would decline group meals by using my part-time job as an excuse.

The second season of the anime has started airing. It feels like meeting an old friend. Just like her from my memories. I keep replaying the brief time I spent with her in my mind.

Episode 11 is the Valentine's Day episode.

While planning the chocolate-making event, Hachiman and the others recalled their first job in the Service Club. At that time, Hihama-san asked them to help her bake cookies.

When a story returns to its starting point, it means the end is near.

Hayama and Miura, along with Iroha, Haruno, Tamano, Orimoto, and other characters who appeared before, all make an appearance. Gathering these people in the cooking class is a testament to the Service Club's efforts, their final destination.

The focus of the story will likely shift from outsiders to the three members of the Service Society.

After their date at the aquarium, the three women each presented their own requests for help. For the first time, these three, who had always been solving problems for outsiders, faced each other directly.

It's clearly nearing its end.

Whatever the outcome, I want to witness it to the end. I don't want to end up like you did, only learning about it afterward from someone else. I don't want to be excluded from the story.

But after this story ends, where will I go? Where can I go? I can't even imagine.

Despite the widespread talk of labor shortages and a seller's market, my job search was quite difficult. The interviewers didn't beg me to work for their companies, nor did they offer an annual salary of ten million yen. In the end, I received a job offer from a company that seemed boring but reasonably generous.

After that, I locked myself in the library and frantically wrote my graduation thesis, and finally graduated smoothly.

As a recent graduate entering the workforce, I began living alone in Tokyo.

During this period, "Guo Qing" was not published.

Although not as frequently as during my student days, I still rewatch "Guo Qing". Every time, I think of her words, "I don't want to watch it anymore".

Many people don't finish a story. No matter how popular a work is, sales will decrease with each episode. Readers abandon it one by one. There could be many reasons. Maybe they simply get bored. Maybe they've gone too far and become haters. Maybe they run out of money. Maybe they've died.

Are they inferior to those who read the entire work? Compared to her, who only read half of it, am I a better reader?

The twelfth episode, released after a two-year hiatus, is finally here. Before I knew it, I'd been out in the workforce for half a year.

The beginning seems to fill in the gap by providing the reader with a summary of what came before, but I had read it carefully beforehand, so the transition was seamless.

Yukino's request (or rather, "wish"?) has been revealed. As for whether her dream will come true, Hachiman and Hihama will surely do as she said and witness it to the end.

The story revolves around the ball, where the ultimate villain—Yukino's mother—finally makes her appearance. Even Haruno is just a little devil in her presence. Although Haruno's goal seems to be nothing more than causing trouble, in some ways she's more troublesome than the ultimate villain.

Many things cannot be decided solely by Hachiman and his friends. The parents' opinions cannot be ignored, and the dance will definitely not take place if the school does not approve.

Even so, Hachiman and the others are still trying to make their own decisions. If it were me, I'd probably give up. What makes them work so hard? Is it just youthful arrogance? Attributing it to the protagonist's halo would be too hasty.

Hachiman said, "Even if I go to university, I probably won't encounter a fateful meeting or a life-changing dream." Perhaps so, perhaps not. It's not because they are still young, but because this story is not yet over.

So what about me? I feel like I'm in a story that's already over.

Ms. Haruno directly told Hachiman Akira that their relationship was called "co-dependence." I depend on you—or more accurately, on your death. My daily listlessness, my refusal to make friends, my lack of proper eating, and my indifference to everything in the world are all because I've molded myself into "a man who has lost his beloved." Only with this premise can I maintain my appearance. *The Fruit Blue* is one of the means by which I connect with you, this dependent object. Since you returned the book to me, I've been reading it alone like this, so I don't know how else to read it.

I must have been reading *Guo Qing* wrong. If I had known this, I shouldn't have rushed through the book. If I had known this, I shouldn't have longed for what I considered "my own book."

I wish I could start all over again. From the first day you spoke to me in the classroom.

A year has passed.

Time flies. I have a junior now, so I'm no longer a fresh graduate.

The book jacket of volume thirteen read, "The story enters its final chapter—". I hesitated before reaching out my hand.

As the story enters its final chapter, the initial "competition" is brought up again.

Meanwhile, Hiratsuka-sensei, who proposed holding that "match," is about to leave Soubu High School.

The story begins with an ending. I knew this when I started reading "Guo Qing," but now I'm afraid of the story's conclusion.

If only I could share my anxieties with you. But I can never go back to the time when you were here.

Hachiman, Yukino, and Hihama's time is also coming to an end. The three of them surely share the same wish. They all want to respect each other's actions, yet they are gradually drifting apart.

They can never go back to the relationship they had at the beginning of the first episode, nor can they go back to the time they spent together in the Service Society office.

Where do stories that have ended go? Are they swallowed by darkness? Floating endlessly in the void? Reborn as something else?

What will be left after the story ends?

There is never an end to the days.

In my second year in the workforce, it was impossible for me to get a job that would change the company, the industry, or the world. Days, weeks, and months slipped by while I was handling daily business, and seasons changed.

The final volume, number fourteen, was originally scheduled for release in March 2018, but it was delayed several times.

I don't feel any urgency. I don't really have a sense of waiting. As time goes by, it means I'm getting further and further away from the time I'll spend with you. I don't want to get closer to the future.

On the release date, I went to a bookstore after get off work. The entire light novel section was promoting the fourteenth volume. A boy in a school uniform picked up a copy from the display stand and walked towards the counter. If he's a sophomore in high school this year, the first volume came out in March when he was in second grade. He'd be in first grade when the second season of the anime started airing. I wonder what prompted him to discover this work.

He certainly wouldn't read *Hajime no Aoi* the way I do. Nor can I read it from the same perspective as him, who was the same age as Hachiman.

I stood frozen in front of the bookshelf. Countless little Yukino figures were smiling at me.

The moment has finally arrived.

Those two difficult people, Hachiman and Yukino, confessed their feelings for each other and surprisingly became a couple that everyone could see. Hihama's wish for the three of them to stay together forever also came true. In my opinion, the pairing of Komachi and Iroha is absolutely fantastic, but let's not talk about that now.

The long journey of following in their footsteps over the past year has come to an end.

I was initially worried about how I would react after *Aoharu* ended, wondering if I'd experience any post-Aoharu ending syndromes like being heartbroken and crying uncontrollably, or feeling so empty that I didn't want to do anything. But I didn't. I know that Hachiman, Yukino, and Hihama are still in the clubroom at Soubu High School. I also knew that the third-year arc hadn't been released, so there's no need to feel lonely.

Will you be there too? Maybe you'll brush past them somewhere, maybe you even went to the same high school. Although it sounds like a dream novel, the finished story and the deceased will inevitably end up in the same place.

In my last letter, I wrote, "I wish I could do it all over again." But now, I don't want to feel regret like that. Hachiman thought of Yukino this way—"These words can't possibly be understood by her. It doesn't matter if she doesn't understand. It doesn't matter if they can't be conveyed. I just wanted to tell her." Even if my way of reading *Aoi Sora* was wrong, I can still hold my head high and say that it was right to want to convey my feelings about this work to you, and to keep writing letters even knowing it was impossible to convey them. It can't be said that it was wrong.

Hachiman says he wants to "end my deliberately messed-up youth." The story, which begins with him being forced into it by others, also ends with the protagonist's decision.

I also want to make a decision. Although it's very insignificant, I believe it will repay Guoqing and your kindness.

Immersed in stories and memories, I will one day be caught up by reality.

So I arrived here. Or rather, I returned here.

I got off the bus and walked on the county road. A dry, cold wind blew across the narrow road.

Her house looked exactly the same as it had six years ago. The white smoke from the incense sticks, heated by the halogen heater by the door, amplified the sorrow even more intensely.

I don't know what the seventh anniversary means in religious terms, but it's important to bring things to a close. Humans can't stand stories that go on and on without any breaks.

There were a few people of my generation sitting in front of the altar, but I didn't recognize most of them. I guessed they were relatives and friends from elementary and junior high school. She only actually spent about a year in high school.

Miori Utsunomiya now has hair a darker color than she did in high school, but her makeup is so heavy it makes her look like a nightclub hostess. Her legs, clad in stockings, are moving around under her buttocks as she kneels on the ground.

I heard that the seventh anniversary of the death is usually attended only by family members, so I took the initiative to contact them and ask them to let me attend.

I've been avoiding the rituals. I want to possess her death exclusively. Her death is the only "real thing" for me, the benchmark for everything. What others think is none of my business.

However, this alone cannot calm my mind. Death has a part that can only be soothed through rituals performed by people to mourn the dead. Even if we don't say it aloud, we must share this feeling with others through some kind of action.

It was *Guoqing* that gave me a push, leading me here. When Hachiman made his decision, I felt I had to take action too. My first letter to her was also thanks to *Guoqing*. I always leave the decision-making power to the story.

After the Dharma assembly, I ate the sushi I ordered from Shiohara's house and left.

I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop next to the main gate when Utsunomiya, shivering from the cold, walked over. She was carrying her handbag with her fingertips, looking like she was too cold to touch the handle.

"have not seen you for a long time."

"Um."

"Didn't your friend leave with you?"

"Those people next to me aren't my friends. They're Manatsu's middle school classmates; I met her at cram school."

She stood next to me and yawned widely.

"I'm so sleepy."

"Thanks for your hard work."

"Because I just finished a night shift. I was so sleepy during the chanting of sutras."

I thought to myself, can the work of a nightclub hostess be called a night shift?

What is your job?

"Nurse".

"what?"

"I'm with the Red Cross, come if you need me."