My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 591

"Teacher, what's wrong? You've been sitting there quietly. Even someone who isn't autistic would be curious if you kept sitting there like that."

Yuihama, the Z-girl equipped with a somersault cloud on the right side of her head, reached out to help me. While I hoped she would do so before Hiratsuka-sensei unleashed her killing intent on me, something was better than nothing. I was saved.

"I'm an advisor to the Service Society, so it's not strange that I'm working in the club office."

That's truly unbelievable. Aside from the issue with Seymour—correction, when Seymour entrusted it to us, you wouldn't even show up.

Yukinoshita, who had just closed the paperback edition, also looked puzzled.

Ms. Hiratsuka sighed dramatically and glared at me as if she were reprimanding me.

"Hachiman, have you read today's inquiry letter yet?"

A strong sense of foreboding washed over me. I stopped Yukinoshita with a look as she immediately reached for her laptop in the drawer. This time, the eye contact was successful.

"My computer's been acting strange lately... it won't turn on today either. So I'll look at the inquiry later."

The laptop that Professor Hiratsuka gave us was an older model that took quite a while to boot up. It wouldn't be surprising if it suddenly broke down one day, and it wouldn't be strange if it suddenly came back to normal after a few days.

"Yeah?"

Hiratsuka-sensei, however, rested her chin on her hand, nodded with a "mmm," and made a surprising statement.

"Don't worry, the inquiry emails aren't restricted to that computer. I remember your account and password, so let's add them to your phone's email app while we're at it."

"babble!"

I couldn't help but let out a nervous groan.

Are you kidding me? If an inquiry letter were sent to my personal cell phone, I'd go completely insane. That frequent visitor who wants to be a light novel author sends letters at a rate that even postcard makers couldn't match.

"...Well, it's almost fixed now. Yukino, could you please turn on your computer?"

On a sudden inspiration, I added a self-repairing ability to the computer—something even the Gold Cloth lacks. Without arousing suspicion, I successfully averted the crisis.

Logically, that's how it should be... Yukinoshita, who took her laptop out of the drawer again, gave me an extremely cold look.

"Really? Hmm, it would be best to watch it on a computer."

Hiratsuka-sensei also looked suspicious. Hopefully, they hadn't been discovered...

"Hiratsuka-sensei, since the consultation letter can be considered private information, I don't think it's appropriate to set it so that students can easily view it on their phones."

Yukino sighed and offered a very pertinent opinion.

"The inquiry letter is anonymous, and no personal information can be found in it."

Hiratsuka-sensei replied confidently.

The problem is that it's easy to guess who sent 90% of those anonymous letters.

"Speaking of which, this computer is really old. Just trying to browse the internet will slow it down, and besides, it's running an outdated operating system... Aren't you worried about security?"

"There shouldn't be any information that can't be leaked. Hachiman, if there are records of you buying erotic books online, that's a different story."

"No, no, no, no, no!"

I was so panicked, it made me seem even more suspicious.

Yukinoshita and Yuigahama squinted at me, hesitant to speak. "I didn't buy the adult book! What kind of student would act like this!"

...A student of Professor Hiratsuka's era...I sadly conclude.

But are there many people like Hiratsuka-sensei who feel that their computers don't contain any information that can't be leaked, so they're content to use older models? Is that why operating systems can't be fully updated? Bill Gates must be having a headache too.

I took my laptop to my seat, and Yukinoshita and Yui pulled their chairs next to me. Yui brought her face close to the screen.

"...Then I'll read it. The first one is...a letter from the pen name: Afu-kun...Ahaha, it's Hime-chan again."

See, personal information is leaked immediately!

I've contracted a debilitating disease. My heart flutters whenever I see two male classmates (H-yama and H-Kigu).

H-person and H-flag, abbreviated as Heart to Heart, do you think no one has noticed? Sometimes they secretly gaze at each other with great enthusiasm.

I could practically hear my own heartbeat; it's so embarrassing. Why? It's not like me, is it...?

If this continues, my left breast might become extremely large! What should I do?

Uh, this isn't just "two male classmates" anymore. It wasn't even shortened. Blurring it is pointless.

We didn't stare at each other. More importantly, it perfectly matches your personality.

No, I can't possibly complain about everything.

Although E Laoming only sends a letter occasionally, his destructive power is extremely high.

"I'm talking about you, H-Kigu-kun."

"Himeko is observing you very carefully."

If she had really opened her eyes wide, she wouldn't have sent this kind of letter. That person's glasses probably have some kind of special filter made by aliens.

"So, what does Ebina-san want to consult about? Is it about curing this disease?"

"She knows herself that there is no cure for this disease, so let's just leave her alone."

H-chan's letter caused me to experience the most severe mental fatigue in the Service Club. Now you all know that.

"Hmm... Hmm..."

Yuihama muttered thoughtfully. "How long are you going to keep muttering? Are you a cow?"

Finally, she seemed to have come to an answer.

"By the way! Are you worried that your breasts will become different sizes?!"

The point that "the last sentence is probably the key to this letter" is correct. Let's just assume that's the case; the consultation is over.

"That's not an illness. It has nothing to do with the intensity or speed of your heartbeat. It's natural for the chest to be different sizes on the left and right sides. Factors like hand dominance can cause the muscles on both sides of the body to develop differently."

Hiratsuka-sensei retorted earnestly.

Next, place your palms below your left and right breasts and gently bounce your breasts up and down.

"Oh, I hadn't noticed that at all..."

Yuihama, upon hearing this, also touched her own chest to confirm.

Hey... why are these two suddenly playing with breasts?

The size difference isn't so significant that you could easily tell by touching it...

“…………”

I felt a chill run down my spine. I turned around and saw Yukinoko reading a book, her expression blank. She hadn't even had a book in her hand a moment ago.

Ms. Hiratsuka and Yuihama did not notice the changes under Yukinoshita and were still checking the size difference between her left and right breasts.

Azhu Agge (Note 17), is that enough?

Yukino, whose chest is as flat as the cover of Gagaga Bunko, would be sad.

No, the parts other than the cover of Gagaga Bunko are flat too. If you really want to be specific, all light novels outside of Gagaga Bunko are like that. This means Yukinoshita is a light novel.

Was that the only inquiry letter?

Beneath the snow, bearing the injustices of the universe, her voice trembled slightly as she urged me to continue.

"Oh, oh... Anyway, I'll reply to this letter first."

I quickly typed on the keyboard and wrote a reply, taking Yuihama's suggestion into account.

How about we try adding another heart to Ah-fu's chest? That way, her breast size will be more even, and just like you mentioned in your letter, the number of hearts will double—a win-win situation!

"Want to increase your heart rate?!"

Yuigahama was shocked.

Well, although this sounds like I'm bragging, I think it's a good answer. Having one on each side would be more balanced. Although the heart is actually almost in the center.

"The first letter completely drained my energy..."

Yui left me, exhausted, to the side, peeking at the screen from the side.

"Let me see... Here's the second one. Pen name: Cat Girl..."

Halfway through the conversation, Yuihama couldn't help but tilt her head to the side.

However, not long after, a smile appeared on her face, and her tone rose two notches.

Pen name: Cat's Troubles

My hair seems to have gotten worse lately. Do you have any recommended treatments or hair care methods?

As soon as she finished reading, Yui rushed towards Yukinoshita.

"Yukino is so cute!!"

Then he lunged at her and hugged her tightly.

"Uh... this is an anonymous inquiry letter, right?!"

Seeing Yukinoshita stuck to Yuihama and looking completely bewildered, Hiratsuka-sensei nodded in satisfaction.

It was a letter of inquiry from Yukino. She had been watching me so intently because she wanted me to find out.

"Hey, Nekono. Uncle thinks this name is too cutesy."

"That name isn't Nekono...!"

Yukinoshita, being held by Yuihama, looked very uncomfortable, but still spoke up to argue.

Yuihama puffed out her cheeks in dissatisfaction.

"Seriously—why write a letter? Why not just say it directly?! I should have stayed at Yukino's house yesterday!"

Seeing how close they were, Hiratsuka-sensei gave a wry smile.

"Actually, Yukino came to discuss this with me yesterday. I tried to persuade her that it would be best to ask for your opinions as well... and we decided to go with this approach."

I see. Although it was a roundabout way, she probably thought that using an inquiry letter would be more convenient for her to respond as a member of the Service Society.

"Based on the principles of the Service Society, you've confided in many students about their troubles. It's only natural for me, as an advisor, to offer assistance when you're facing difficulties, isn't it?"

That being said, Professor Hiratsuka often gives us advice.

"I believe I can help with Yukinoshita's current troubles."

Hiratsuka-sensei placed her hand on her forehead, as if recalling memories of her youth.

"This happened before—when I was taking care of a relative's daughter. The child was very clingy and quite cute... but she especially liked to touch my hair."

At this point, Hiratsuka-sensei picked up her glossy black hair with her hand and looked down at it.

"Ah... I get it! When I was little, I always envied my older sister for having beautiful long hair!"

"Yeah, I had the same expectation at first... but then the child said with a bright smile, 'You have gray hairs, let me pluck them out for you'..."

Yuihama made a sound of "Hmm!", probably thinking about what she had done yesterday.

She placed a long white hair in my hand, and I froze. Then I felt a slight tingling sensation in my head. Two... three... She told me, 'There are many more~'...

Where did this annoying Bancho Sarayashiki (Note 18) come from?

"After that, the way that girl called me changed from 'Sister Jing' to 'Aunt Jing'... Waaah... Don't expect me to give you a red envelope starting next year..."

Yukino listened to her personal experience with a sorrowful expression.

That girl is so pitiful. Losing one source of red envelopes is really a blow.

"From that day on, I began to hate gray hair and started a war to eliminate my own gray hair."

Is that why Hiratsuka-sensei became Chiba's avenger? I'll give her a good thrashing when she gets her comeuppance. (Note 19)

"Yukinoshita, your worries are normal. Don't be careless just because you're young. Early detection and treatment of any unusual physical symptoms are essential. Especially for people like us with long hair, we must never ignore gray hair."

"...Yes. I checked it very carefully after I took a shower yesterday..."

Well, that's a normal reaction. The problem is, it's hard to find gray hairs on your own. If you could find a whole bunch of them by yourself, it might already be too late by then.

"Waaaah~ I'm so sorry, Yukino! It's all because I meddle..."

"It's not Yuihama-san's fault. I think I'll find out on my own sooner or later."