My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 590

"We'll adjust the script accordingly. We'll change 'feces' to 'excrement'."

"It's completely rotten."

Yukino and I naturally started talking in the rhythm of a stand-up comedy routine, so we paused for a moment, then chuckled softly.

Note 14 refers to the Japanese comedian "Desuyo."

Note 15: The Japanese words for "stem" and "filling" are both Neta.

Short Story Collection 1: Yukino Side Once upon a time, Yukino's hair swayed in the wind on that day.

Author: Mizusawa Yume / Illustration: Kasuga Ayumi

Once upon a time, Yukino Yukinoshita said, "Perhaps it would be better to live peacefully without anyone asking for my help."

Now I feel the weight of those words again.

The reason is simple... when there are commissions, one gets busy.

The world-renowned sniper Dick Togo (Note 16) completed more than one hundred missions a year by handling several cases at the same time.

That means taking advantage of the waiting time and travel time of task A to handle another task B. No, we also need to do the pre-work preparation for C and D at the same time to barely reach this number.

Even superhumans, who are respected by bigwigs in the underworld and presidents of various countries, can do such perfect multitasking... A mere ordinary high school student naturally doesn't have that ability.

It's unreasonable to expect high school students to handle multiple jobs. It's actually normal for them to wish they had no work to do.

I—Hachiman Hikigaya—have been unusually busy these past few days with the Service Club I joined. Normally, almost no one comes, and I'm always leisurely, but now, like that sniper, I've been reduced to handling several requests at the same time.

The main reason is that consultant Hiratsuka-sensei suddenly joined the trouble-finding mailbox service.

As to where she solicited letters, it remains a mystery. However, thanks to this system that allows people to easily confide their troubles without having to go directly to the Service Society office, the requests she used to receive occasionally have never stopped.

Unfortunately, the requests I've received these past few days have piled up as high as a pancake.

This caused us to travel around a lot, and our entire itinerary was disrupted.

I think it's quite possible that a parallel world has formed. Those numerous requests—Hachiman Hikigaya from the other world will probably find a way to resolve them…

Having endured such hardship, today I finally welcomed a peaceful and quiet after-school period.

Yukino and I were reading quietly in the Service Club office, while Yui was scrolling on her phone. Isshiki, who has been frequently visiting the office lately, didn't seem to be there today.

I'm not turning on my computer today, no matter what. Even if someone writes to inquire, if I don't see it, it's as if it doesn't exist.

"call……"

Yukino let out a long sigh and placed the paperback on the table. Then she rubbed her shoulders to check how stiff they were.

"If you're tired, how about we call it a day?"

"Thank you for your concern. But I'm fine, Flounder."

"Only the character '比' (bǐ) remains the same..."

If I only need to get one word right, is it possible that I'll end up being called "Twitter classmate"?

I... I'm not worried about Yukinoshita. I'm just really exhausted and want to go home as soon as possible. Don't get me wrong!

...These kinds of tsundere lines have gradually faded from popularity in modern Japan, which is so sad. Very sad, isn't it?

"You've worked hard, Yukino! Let me massage your shoulders!"

Yuihama energetically went around to the back of the seat under the snow.

"It's okay, Yuihama-san... I'm not tired."

Yukinoshita was clearly putting on a brave face. Because I knew she'd been incredibly busy these past few days.

I won't bluff, because I'm really tired. Yesterday, I replied to as many as fifteen inquiry emails all by myself on the computer. Even though the average reply from the Service Society is only two lines, it's incredible I haven't developed tendonitis.

Yui ignored her, placed her hand on Yukinoshita's shoulder, and made an exaggerated surprised reaction.

"Oh—this! Your shoulders are really stiff!"

She leaned forward, presumably to apply weight.

Yukinoshita seemed to have given up struggling, letting Yuihama massage her.

I glanced over and saw that Yukinoshita wasn't moving at all. It was probably because even with her weight, Yuihama's strength was still too weak. It seemed the massage had no effect whatsoever.

"How was it, Yukino? Did it work?"

"Mmm, that feels good. Thank you."

Nevertheless, she was still quite pleased that her friend was willing to give her a massage, and Yukinoshita smiled and thanked her.

"what?"

Yui suddenly stopped massaging her shoulders.

She brought her face close to the back of Xuexia's head, lost in thought. He thought she was smelling her hair, but it seemed that wasn't the case.

"Ah, as I thought. Yuki has white hair."

Yuihama seemed to have found the white hair, deftly picking up a strand.

Yukino's hair reached her waist, making it easy for her to hold up a handful and show it to her. Yukino looked—

"……real."

She seemed unsure how to react. Well, she couldn't exactly say, "Wow, thank you for finding my gray hair! Yukino is so happy!"

Yuihama asked Yukinoshita with a "hehehe" laugh:

"Hey, can I pull it out?"

"...Whatever you want."

Yuihama, who holds the fate of her white hair in her hands, carefully and boldly plucks it out in one go.

"Hey!"

"Um……"

Yukinoshita's shoulders trembled, and she called out softly.

Her voice made me feel a little lewd, so I awkwardly looked away.

Yuihama, with an air of severing the enemy's head, raised her white hair high.

"Even with her white hair, Yukino is so pretty~"

Indeed. A single white hair shimmered like silk under the white lights of the office.

"Thank you, Yuihama-san. My shoulder feels much better now."

Yukinoshita exhaled and began reading again.

After thanking her under the snow, Yuihama remained standing behind her and said in a more serious voice:

"Ah, there's another gray hair."

“Eh…?”

Yukino almost dropped the paperback in her hand, but caught it at the last second.

"I'll pull this one out too."

Yuihama immediately plucked out the second gray hair.

However, as the saying goes, once there is one, there will be two, and once there are two, there will be three.

"...Huh, another one."

As Yuihama's divine hand found the third white hair and quickly plucked it out, Yukinoshita finally turned around in surprise.

"--Could you wait a minute, Yuihama-san? Is that really white hair? It could just be the light."

Yukino's efforts to maintain a calm demeanor reveal her inner turmoil.

"That's right, look, it's a gray hair. I used to pluck gray hairs for my dad when I was little, so I'm good at finding them."

Why not just say, "Oh, really, I misunderstood, hehe☆" and then shut up? Yuihama is usually very good at reading people, is it because of her past as a white-haired hunter that she lost her calm judgment?

However, even Yukinoshita seems unable to bear it.

"Thank you, but that's enough. Although the idea that plucking gray hairs will cause more to grow is no longer supported by modern beliefs, plucking too many gray hairs at once might put a strain on the scalp, right?"

"Really?...I see, that's why Daddy..."

Yuihama slowly raised her gaze to the sky, her eyes narrowing sadly.

Wait a minute, what's wrong with your dad? What happens when he plucks too many gray hairs at once, putting a strain on his scalp?

"Yukino seems to have some gray hair..."

Yuihama seems to have awakened a strange sense of mission and wants to continue searching for white hair.

I couldn't help but feel sorry for Yukinoshita, and casually chimed in.

"That's enough. Do you want to make a violin out of Yukinoshita's hair? This is never going to end."

I think this line is quite witty. Using Yukinoshita's hair as strings to make a violin, it would probably produce a devilishly beautiful tone, hehehehe.

"...! You're right, I'm sorry, Yukino. My dad and I used to communicate by plucking gray hairs... so I just remembered..."

"It's okay, don't worry about it. It was a very warm and happy childhood."

At first glance, Yukino didn't seem to mind, but...

Not long after, the bell rang, announcing the time to leave school.

For some reason, after finally being freed from my busy life, I feel unusually tired today.

"My gray hair...when did it get so much...?"

Yukinoshita mumbled in a weak voice.

That self-talk, which sounded like a depressing remark, lingered in my ears. She must have been a little taken aback.

Gray hair... I need to pay attention to that too.

"Hi-lo—"

The next day after school, Yuihama picked me up and led me into the Service Club office.

"Hi-ro—" Although it is a mysterious greeting, if you listen to it every day, you can understand Hi-ro Yuihama's mental and physical state by the degree of Hi-ro.

Today's air quality is roughly estimated at 8.5 hello... no, more like 8.7 hello.

It's a bit low compared to the baseline value of 10, not exactly depressing, but a number that makes you feel a little down.

These are all just some random ideas I came up with right now. Hachiman, you're tired...

Simply put, I just wanted to express that Yuihama seems to be a little bothered by what happened yesterday.

The person involved, Yukino, was reading a book and didn't seem to care much. However, considering what happened before she went back yesterday, her attitude was quite subtle.

Just then, the office door suddenly opened. Ms. Hiratsuka walked in briskly.

"Hiratsuka-sensei, please remember to knock..."

Yukino lost her momentum halfway through her sentence. Having tried several times without success, she almost gave up.

Ms. Hiratsuka sat in an empty chair, arms crossed, legs crossed.

We waited for her to speak, but she remained silent, just sitting there. There was nothing we could do but continue with our own tasks.

About ten minutes later, Hiratsuka-sensei still hadn't said a word.

Instead, they were staring at me...

"........."

Huh? What's going on? She's even flirting with me. How scary.

Since eye contact did not occur, I decided to convey Professor Hiratsuka's intentions.

"Hi, this is Shizuka Hirazuka. I'm a senior female teacher around thirty years old. Because I've never had a boyfriend, my hopes of getting married are getting slimmer and slimmer, and I'm super anxious."

"Hahaha, I also have my reasons for not being able to get married, you know. Watch out or I'll kill you."

Faced with a nation that dares to nonchalantly declare its intention to kill students in this era, I can only tremble with fear, uttering "Ah, ahhh..."

However, look. Thanks to him, Hiratsuka-sensei finally agreed to speak.

It's good to remember occasionally. I hope you all remember him. This man, Hachiman Hikigaya, was just an ordinary Earthling who bravely fought against ferocious aliens.