My Youth Romantic Comedy Is Wrong As Expected

Page 675

The moment I heard that answer, the glasses on my character, the nerdy guy A, flashed. (Although I wasn't actually wearing glasses, please use your imagination to fill in the gaps.)

"Oh, Super Squad... Not bad. Speaking of Super Squad, we have to mention that episode that is still considered legendary. The production of that episode was handled by the famous Mr. Saijo, and the quality was extremely high."

"Um?"

"Ah, Mr. Saijo is also the director of 'The Chrome Wizard,' which was quite excellent. What aspects of Saijo's work do you like, Ms. Hiratsuka?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Huh? Oh dear? Miss Hiratsuka, could it be...?"

Don't you know the director Westlife?

With that unspoken meaning in my words, I probably forced a very genuine wry smile. Oh dear, my acting skills, capable of captivating audiences with mere facial expressions, are too strong. This is the kind of acting that would win rave reviews at film festivals like Venice or Cannes. Perhaps some glamorous Hollywood actress will lavish praise on me, saying, "Ah-hachi's acting is incredibly exciting and emotional. He's a promising actor."

Let's not talk about that now. I've gotten into the mood and will continue playing the role of otaku A.

"Ah, sorry (laughs). People who watch animation from a consumer's perspective probably don't know much about the production staff (laughs)."

“…………”

Actually, I think that kind of appreciation attitude allows you to purely enjoy the fun of watching anime (laughs), and I'm actually quite envious of it (laughs). Like me, I always check the credits before watching anime; for the past few years, I've been watching anime with that background knowledge (laughs). Okay, so let's appreciate the work from the creator's perspective—

My improvisation just wouldn't stop; I was talking to myself uncontrollably (laughs). Because I was so annoyed, I covered my eyes with the kimono, while Hiratsuka-sensei—

"Hey kid, don't get too cocky..."

She grabbed my chin and said in a threatening tone.

"Hachiman...it seems you need to be taught a lesson? Even if you know a little about animation, how can you talk to your teacher like that?"

"No, it's a misunderstanding! I'm acting! Acting! This isn't me, I'm just realistically portraying a typical nerdy guy!"

"What? A typical otaku...?"

Ms. Hiratsuka put on a stern face, and I nodded frantically.

Oh dear, aren't these kinds of people quite common? The kind who suddenly brings up super obscure anime, with a "you'd usually know this, right?" look on their face. And if the other person says they don't know, they look embarrassed, as if to say, "Sigh, that's what noobs are like..." I'm playing that kind of otaku. The type who thinks watching difficult anime or classic works is something impressive.

This is just my personal opinion. People like that must have collected the Ghost in the Shell manga. When others ask, "Do you have any anime recommendations?", they usually recommend Gungnir. On the contrary, they look down on EVA and think they are very cool.

"Pfft! Hey, hey, Hachiman. Stop talking. Your attacks are very effective against me..."

"I didn't mean to attack you..."

However, Zaimokuza is definitely the type who tries to show off his superiority when chatting with fellow otaku. He tried to show off to a girl who said, "My favorite manga is One Piece☆", but was instead countered by an even more powerful monster of superiority with, "But One Piece up to the Alabasta arc is indeed an excellent manga..."

The battle for status among otaku is truly terrifying.

"In short, there are a lot of otaku in the otaku community who want to use their professional knowledge to get ahead of others."

"Oh, I see. So what should I do?"

It's normal for Hiratsuka-sensei to have such questions.

"You're not suggesting I absorb the relevant knowledge before participating in a stay-at-home marriage event, so I can have a conversation with that kind of person, are you?"

"No, that would have the opposite effect."

Because even though they put on a sour face that says, "Huh? You don't even know something this simple?", they're actually secretly pleased that they know more than the other person. This is probably what it means for humans to have this complex and strange mental activity of "feeling pleased but looking embarrassed."

"If you want to please this kind of person when communicating with them, what you need is—"

—The so-called reception capacity.

The capacity for receiving guests, as the name suggests, is the ability to receive others.

For example, if you search for accounts on social media where nightclub hostesses complain, you'll see that even when dealing with what they call "difficult customers," they still smile while working. A more general term would be something like "endurance," but with a slightly different meaning.

It's not just otaku; men love to show off to women, sometimes to the point of annoying them. Conversely, they instinctively crave praise from women.

I believe that the ability to satisfy their self-esteem is hospitality, a necessary element of being popular in situations like weddings.

The training needed to develop reception skills is role-playing.

"For example, like just now, if someone suddenly starts talking to you about an anime you've never seen, even if you're annoyed, you have to pretend to be like, 'Wow, Mr. ○○ knows so much! I really respect you!' As long as you say that, I'm sure you can handle it smoothly most of the time."

"That being said, Hachiman, is it really that easy? This seems far too deliberate, doesn't it?"

"Don't worry. As long as we have the capacity to accommodate everyone, everything will be fine. We can get married now. Our parents can hold their grandchildren!"

This statement seems to have had a very significant effect on Professor Hiratsuka.

"Marriage...having grandchildren...hmm, I see. Since you put it that way, it must be the right thing. I'll give it a try."

And so, take 2 began.

"The most crucial aspect of Yuasa's work is indeed its avant-garde visual presentation (laughs). It might be hard for most people to understand, but that taste is really... painful! Ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch, ouch! I surrender! It hurts, it hurts!"

"...Oh, sorry. I was a little irritated and unconsciously used a joint lock. Let's continue."

"Um, could you please not use joint locks so precisely without thinking...?"

Rather, I sincerely hope you'll change your habit of reflexively using joint locks. Okay, it's alright.

...So let's start again, take 3.

"Also, when talking about current animation scenes, pain is indispensable! I've already said it will hurt! Joint locks hurt! I haven't even gotten to my point yet!"

"Oh, sorry. I unconsciously used a joint lock again..."

I won't go into detail about what happens after Take 4. You can probably guess the ending without me having to explain.

When the pressure on my joints and Hiratsuka-sensei reached my tolerance limit.

"Come to think of it, even if I successfully marry someone who requires such a high level of patience, my married life probably won't be very smooth..."

I'm not completely indiscriminate when it comes to people—hearing Hiratsuka-sensei say that, I clapped my hands and thought, "Ah—now that she says it, it's true..." I won't say anything more.

Because I feel pathetic for wasting my youth.

In this way, we both ended up wasting our time.

"Honestly, I'm so disappointed in you, Hachiman. To be satisfied with such a petty trick that doesn't even qualify as a plan, how utterly laughable! It seems I'll have to rely on my proposal after all?"

"What? Your proposal will only leave the teacher with emotional scars. I'm seven trillion times better than you."

"No, no, no, I'm better than you."

"No, no, no, I'm better than you."

—In conclusion, they're evenly matched.

Sigh, there's no point in wasting time packing here.

After that, we continued to carry out the "creating a brand new image for Xiaojing" project, but...

"...Hmm, when it comes to gadgets that otaku are deeply fascinated by, we can't forget cat ears."

"No, if the teacher wears something like that to the 'stay-at-home wedding' event, she really won't be able to get married this time."

like this.

"Hmm. In that case, you can choose either a shrine maiden outfit or a bunny girl costume. What do you think?"

"……………………(Ignored)"

Or like this.

I met with Timber and I in Saizeriya for several days in a row, discussing the matter extensively, but we still couldn't come up with a good solution.

Although it's embarrassing to say this, asking men like us with absolutely no dating experience to come up with strategies for getting married is, from the very beginning, an impossible task that's like asking a fool to dream.

Only now are we beginning to understand such a simple thing.

Just then, the situation took a sharp turn for the worse—

"...However, the disease, unbeknownst to him, extended its poisonous claws towards Mr. Kato (pseudonym)."

This phrase is often heard on medical programs on television.

That's right, it means that mutations always approach silently before the person is even aware of them. By the time they are discovered, it's already too late.

Mr. Kato (pseudonym) passed away young, and so did Professor Hiratsuka...

Upon careful reflection, the signs of the anomaly had already appeared.

I forget when it was, but there was a sentence like this in a text message that Hiratsuka-sensei sent me.

I remember it was something like, "To pray for a smooth marriage, I plan to visit a local shrine or similar place in the prefecture to absorb some good fortune." People who start praying to gods and Buddhas usually don't end up well.

Therefore, that sentence must have been a sign.

Our inaction has led to this situation. The change originated from a short message.

From Hiratsuka to Hikigaya: Main purpose: Inquiring about progress.

Good afternoon, Hikigaya-san.

I've already visited most of the energy-themed attractions in the city, so today I mustered up the courage to go see a fortune teller.

Everything was fine up to this point. The problem arose afterward.

He seemed to be a famous fortune teller with the title of "Cosmic Astrologer." I was very curious and asked for his opinion. He said I couldn't get married because the will of the universe was interfering—

"……………………………………………………………………"

Speechless. I couldn't utter a single word.

What the heck is this "Universe Astrologer"? It's a bootleg copy of Orchid (Note 11)—I can't bring myself to make such a vague comment. I'm just speechless.

From that day on, my phone has been receiving these terrifying text messages.

From Hiratsuka to Hikigaya: Main point: Inquiring about progress.

Good afternoon, Hikigaya. Today I went to see the fortune teller who did my divination again.

It's a bit strange for me, a teacher, to call someone "teacher" (laughs). However, what the teacher said was very insightful, and I respect him greatly.

He said that there exists unknown energy in the universe that science and technology cannot yet observe, and that if humans come into contact with this energy, they can awaken the power to manipulate the luck hidden within their bodies.

From Hiratsuka to Hikigaya: Main point: Inquiring about progress.

Good afternoon, Hikigaya. I went to see the teacher again today.

My teacher said the cosmic will hindering my marriage seems incredibly powerful and difficult to eradicate. However, he said he possesses a jar filled with cosmic energy and holy light, inherited from a previous generation of trans-cosmic astrologers. He believes that if I buy it, it might help…

But that teapot was very expensive. My teacher said he could introduce me to a trustworthy financial institution, but I couldn't bring myself to make a decision.

Oh no. Oh no. Daishi is in deep trouble. What's going on? Is this "Ushijima the Black Gold (Note 12) - The Female Teacher Arc"? How terrifying. What is this unknown cosmic energy? How terrifying.

I might have underestimated the psychological pressure women face when they're eager to get married. I can't believe that Hiratsuka-sensei turned out like this.

Of course, I'm not so cold-blooded as to ignore it.

I decided I had to stop Hiratsuka-sensei, so one morning I went to her and told her that the fortune teller was problematic.

I asked her, "Didn't you see the tragedy of Ms. Nakachiko (Note 14) in 'It's Noon Now!' (Note 13)?"

However, Hiratsuka-sensei didn't listen to what I said and even asked me this kind of question.

Hachiman, I'm asking you this: Why do you think God gave humans two kidneys?

"……………………………………………………………………"

I don't know. I don't know, but I don't think it was intended for people to sell.

Hiratsuka-sensei has gone to a place where my voice can no longer reach.

Now that things have come to this, we only have one path left. We have to make sure she finds a partner this weekend through her stay-at-home marriage. And then, we have to protect Hiratsuka-sensei's kidneys.

"...There are still three days left until the deadline. Timber standee, you know what I mean?"

"Understood! Don't worry, Hachiman. I won't fail a second time!!"

We are thinking about it.

How can we make a successful marriage between homebodies, and how can we lead Ms. Hiratsuka to the other side of the red carpet?

We think, discuss, decide, reject, affirm, negate, improve, test, fail, rethink, and formulate strategies.

Saizeriya's closing time had come, and after returning home, we stayed up all night thinking about the next plan, which we then reviewed for feasibility after school the following day.

Because we were severely sleep-deprived, we always had to fight off sleepiness during discussions.

Occasionally, I'll mix orange juice from a beverage bar with cantaloupe soda to make "cantaloupe juice," and I laugh so hard I almost choke. The reason is probably that my thinking ability has declined.

Discussion, discussion, chuckle at orange juice, discussion, chuckle at orange juice.